Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
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Top comments
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
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Comments (132)
Chibi_Kitten 24
Maybe he was just mentioning a rooster. He is a true poultitarian.
Paksenarrion 24
When I was little I had trouble saying "clock" and I also called watches "clocks". So you can guess that there were a few times when that caused issues...
catanita 18
Been there done that. He is at he age when he is like a sponge. So you should watch your language around him.
Bethxx 6
Wonder where he learnt it from...
CuteFangirl 5
That's some great per ting that you guys are doing , keep it up !!!
the_real_dvd 21
It is a clock if you put a face and two hands on it. Just... Obviously not on your sons. Thought of this after I posted :/
arre2006 19
teach him the rest. ****-a-doodle-doo!
Isa_fml 20
He could be saying any number of things. If you're assuming it's something inappropriate, then that's on you.
PassiveAggresive 12
Try saying clock several times so that your child picks up on it and changes from **** to clock.
dartist31 4
Don't feel bad, when my son told me to look a the dumb f*^k I freaked out until I looked and saw a DUMP TRUCK. Kids don't ennunciate well at first.