Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
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Top comments
AustinDenton 22
I wonder where he learned that
Welshite 40
#11: And the classics weren't? Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome. The Lion King: murder your brother and marry his wife. AKA: Hamlet. The Little Mermaid: mutilating your body and changing to get the man of your dreams. Aladdin: steal stuff. Sleeping Beauty: don't become a seamstress. Also, necrophilia fixes everything. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: because sleeping with seven men is sooo innocent. Alice in Wonderland: this is what being under the influence of drugs looks like, kids. And so on and so forth. Probably why I love the classic Disney films.
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Comments (132)
Squtchy 11
Chicken? :D
tournamentdecide 33
Rooster...
Squtchy 11
You got me. V.V
lazyslumber 18
It could b the poultry ****. B positive :)
l_ 19
So you spelled out every other word fine, but "be" was too much effort? Really?
iLike2Teabag 27
So you understood him just fine, but still has to pick on him? Really?
lazyslumber 18
It was just typed casually. Didn't know people like you would give it so much thought !!!
HammyBear13 8
I don't know, but in my opinion, if you are going to type out "poultry" completely, why should you get lazy and only type "b" instead of "be?" I just don't get it.......laziness at its finest.
Miss_Moody23 19
Their name is 'lazyslumber' after all...
lazyslumber 18
#80. That's because if I typed a 'b' instead of a 'be' it could be understood but if I typed a 'p' instead of 'poultry' you cannot make it out. Heights of dumbness.
demonhunter3220 14
Maybe he's saying cook. XD
zandalee 20
My son's first work was TRUCK! Said at the top of his voice. It's really hard for it not to sound like **** when you only have one tooth...
kendallfireHD 16
Maybe he learned it from someone.
uselessfag 18
It could just be a chicken, dirty parent.
SmoothPancakes 10
A **** is a rooster, not chicken, dumbass.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Roosters are chickens. They're just not hens.
HammyBear13 8
45, you are a special kind of stupid. Chicken is the species, rooster and hen are the gender names. Please, it's like elementary school knowledge. My two year old son even knows that.
warsun 27
No shit
Pleonasm 36
Now we know that it's genetics, not choice!
feven 32
Good luck explaining but also convincing your son that **** was his first word few years from now.
baseballbv 17
Mom's gotta watch what she says. Or maybe he just saw a male chicken outside.
Enslaved 38
Do you know what time it is? It's 7 o ****! Woohoo!
[email protected] 14
Lol
worldclassrager 41
Rooster is what people will think I sure hope...