Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML
Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
That's not a drinking fountain? ****, I've been doing this all wrong.
MauriceWinifred 0
and that's why you buy one of those Japanese toilets.
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Comments (115)
EvenHopeHides 0
aww shit!
Expertfail 0
i see what you did there. also, 'man that's shitty'
onlyyoushawty6 0
don't take a dump at someone else's house!! that's grosss and rude :/
Dyslexia_Ruels 0
Sounds like she was in deep shit
yucayucatan 0
#75 rude??!! do next time shit ur pants? WTF! if I need to poop I poop
illjusbedamned 0
lmao@#1
zoecw 14
It was her boyfriend's house, you dumbfuck..
Lunasis 14
dumb ass
Iwantskittles 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
your own fault for taking a life, poor spider!
SmallTownCutie 0
eww. I hate bugs. when they're outside, no problem. but if they are creeping around my house uninvited I think I have the right to squish them.
chuchurocket 4
the bugs were here first
onepluszero 0
How do you know the bugs were here first 52?? Did spidey tell you that before it got wiped?
ShadyFTW1 0
There's this thing called the fossil record, look it up.
miniman524 0
you are a pussy
shinco_fml 0
then you might as well disown all your belongings to the millions of living organisms living around you and on you, seeing that apparently, first come first serve.
CrazyDutch 0
wow ydi for nog paying atention
SmallTownCutie 0
oh, I LOVE egg nog, thanks for mentioning it!
jetsfan123 0
of course you do
punkrocker250 0
20 wow your really annoying
MauriceWinifred 0
and that's why you buy one of those Japanese toilets.
waswashere 0
what do 'em jap toilets do?
TYDIRocks 2
Shoot water up your ass
FYLDeep 26
That's not a drinking fountain? ****, I've been doing this all wrong.
ridder215 7
win.
prince122 0
nice pussy #4
mtrench98 0
#36 LMFAOO
perdix 31
Why don't you wipe your ass with the toilet paper with the spider corpse in it? It's not like he's going anywhere anytime soon.
EvenHopeHides 0
haha I was just thinking about that too :)
catatonicsleep 17
Shake the corpse out and use the paper, you can pick the body back up with a towel or something later...
onepluszero 0
more important question... Why use soooo much toilet paper to get rid of one spider?? If there were like 20 coming at you because you were stinking up the bathroom, then I would get that... but one spidy took up so much toilet paper? Wow OP, you need help... PeptoBismo? lol
ppriscilla 0
the japanese toilets spray you with water then air dry you
FYLDeep 26
It says she's in Arizona. Not sure if you noticed that.
fthku 13
Because importation is something which has yet to be thought of!
zazooftanzania 4
but it doesnt give u human rights now does it
fthku 13
I think you're confusing Japan with China, Zazoo.
zazooftanzania 4
oh ya my bad
_streets_ 19
Lol u expected that a light little ball of toilet paper would actually kill the spider? wow lol. YDI.
_streets_ 19
oops read the fml wrong..oh well, I still think YDI.
Jeremiuh 0
Wow! Not too bright are you?
Graawr 7
Poor spider, not only It had witnessed your diarrhea, It also got killed.
floppycow 0
girls dont poop girls dont poop, girls...dont...poop
DenisV95 2
...?
hazardoussmiles9 22
Maybe it was a guy and he was gay?
emilybaby2012 0
No no #14 is saying that "girls don't poop" because a lot of guys find it gross? My ex-boyfriend wouldn't let me shit around him because he believed the same thing. Which kinda pissed me off because sometimes I gotta GO! lol.
Bosia 0
You're right, (or should i say, "no shit!"), 14, when a female eats and digests food, it just disappears! What ever gets you through the day, my friend.
MRGalaxc 0
well with a beautiful face and a fine body I wouldn't want some chick shittin around me either I'd be like I'm outta here come get me ten mins after your done love you bye.
katiedoll6 7
Yeswedoyeswedo....yes....we....do
justnbieber 0
fyl but didn't u notice? u shouldve used tissues xD
kcnutt10 1
15, you have the worst and most gay username on FML.