Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML
Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML
Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML
Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
SApprentice 34
Buy a can of spray paint and spray over it. It'll look like hell, but you're going to have to get it fixed anyway, and I doubt you'll be able to make it very far with it the way it is. Oh, and go to the cops if you can. Paint jobs are expensive, and you don't need to deal with that kind of crap.
Subtext 10
Just spray paint her address and contact information under the "Free Candy" :)
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Comments (72)
Portland_Jane 4
There are solvents you can use to clean it off that will remove the spray paint without damaging the automotive paint below. You should be able to get one at any auto store or hardware store.
nettieninjah 3
omg thats hilarious!! XD
rangerPat 12
For future reference OP: if one is a psychopath, they are psychotic. Paychopathic is not a real word.
Rumbelle_fml 22
Actually, psychopathic is a word, and psychosis is a very different condition from psychopathy.
juls39393 5
WD-40! It should remove the spray paint without damaging your paint job.
xgetxbentx 13
Doesn't your insurance cover vandalism? Especially if you file a police report knowing who did it?
tucknroll 1
Better watch out before she goes all Jodi Arias on your @$$ lol ... too soon
icepick23 12
YDI for breaking her poor heart
WWstar 9
I'm sorry,but that's too funny.
nicievans 9
Soooo - was her choice of colors in good taste?
soldiat_fml 17
I kind of imagine it a drippy red. Hopefully OP doesn't own a white rape van.
PureEvil666 3
Whatever you do try to avoid her. You don't want to mess around with this kind of person, you don't know what will happen next.