Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML
Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML
Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML
Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
SApprentice 34
Buy a can of spray paint and spray over it. It'll look like hell, but you're going to have to get it fixed anyway, and I doubt you'll be able to make it very far with it the way it is. Oh, and go to the cops if you can. Paint jobs are expensive, and you don't need to deal with that kind of crap.
Subtext 10
Just spray paint her address and contact information under the "Free Candy" :)
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Comments (72)
balletteacher 11
While I totally recognize the fact that it's a very expensive prank and that it could be very bad should a cop see it and take it the wrong way while you are parked at the school, I still have to laugh. That's seriously funny.
1994bitches 12
Two words. Restraining order.
ThePrincessB 4
Get another can of spray paint and add call and then your ex's phone number. Then she gets flooded with angry calls. Simple fix till you can repaint.
Uncgirl 8
She should have painted Free Wifi.
chrisp87 11
Wow, sorry to hear about your sociopathic ex girlfriend OP. maybe next time you'll play your cards right and be more cautious about who you date. Or in your case break up with. Good luck next time.
Lonus 9
As long as its not windowless, you should be fine.
Bullpine 11
They make solutions that you pour on the paint so you can wipe it off. I forget what they're called and they may ruin the paint on your van but if you can repaint your van, I'd suggest going to a paint store and asking about it.
Damitol 3
Take her to court and have her pay damages, court costs, and the paint job bill.
HawaiiDawg 4
She probably needs her red sea parted aswell.
Sandia_09 7
There is a paint thinner that is meant for use on car paint, it doesn't damage the paint on the car but easily removes glue from decals, tar from road work, and paint (can or aerosol). I would know, I was a detailer for 2 years had to use that stuff constantly. I highly suggest going and investing in some. Possibly an autozone or other auto supply location may have it. Ours was purchased through a specific company.