Love: Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 17:55 - United States - Newport

Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 267

You deserved it 3 345

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Taking stock

Dementia or hate? You decide

By mnavy - 28/09/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 463

You deserved it 5 017

By yarenis - 24/12/2013 10:45 - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 107

You deserved it 5 859

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, my dad finally told me why he never paid child support to my mom when he was supposed to for the last ten years. His reason? Because I'm a girl and I wasn't that important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 229

You deserved it 3 604

By Anonymous - 20/05/2012 10:21 - Sweden - Norsborg

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 253

You deserved it 2 306

By fatass - 19/02/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 885

You deserved it 7 495

By AreYouSerious - 16/09/2018 22:00

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 060

You deserved it 149

Hi Molly

By bellaellaella - 22/09/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, after months of enduring my neighbor's relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 240

You deserved it 4 013

By LostSoul - 21/07/2019 12:10

Today, I arrived at the doctor's to schedule surgery to find out my insurance got canceled again. I only just got it reinstated after the last time they screwed up and canceled it. It took me 6 months to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 93

By bummed out step monster - 24/06/2015 04:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 3 087

By unwed - 11/12/2010 06:56 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 402

You deserved it 4 384

Dad jokes, part 43884

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 14:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 268

By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 237

You deserved it 1 215

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 11:44 - Sweden

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 6 085

By Anonymous - 26/05/2016 16:58 - Belgium - De Pinte

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 657

You deserved it 979

By mortifiedgrandchild - 09/01/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 4 340

Yappy neighborhood

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 14:00

Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 340

By konacoffee17 - 14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 600

You deserved it 3 051

TMI FML

By eugh - 07/05/2021 14:01 - United States - Midlothian

Spicy

Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 480

By LibraryPedo - 26/04/2013 01:37 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 850

You deserved it 4 043

By LoserOfTheYear - 09/11/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 058

You deserved it 9 989

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 484

You deserved it 1 553

By Anonymous - 15/08/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 111

You deserved it 3 264

Todd is fine, and you?

By blind_date - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the third person. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 6 402

By thanksmom - 02/02/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 126

You deserved it 2 850

By Stef - 05/12/2018 05:00

Today, as I was about to go to bed, the lid came off a brand new bottle of laundry detergent and it toppled down my carpeted basement steps. 3 hours, 2 dozen microfiber cloths, and a bucket of water later and my steps are still full of suds. I went to bed at 3 am and my 10 week old was up at 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 09/06/2014 13:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 415

You deserved it 11 345

By Anonymous - 24/03/2012 02:39 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I received my first payment of child support from my estranged husband: $50 and a note that said he wouldn't be paying any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 059

You deserved it 3 743

Skinny Love

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years dumped me because she got tired of me being thinner than her and, in her own words, making her look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 88

By Vince - 22/02/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 844

You deserved it 4 413

By panicromanceX3 - 26/04/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, my friends and I spent hours on the Disney website playing in Pixie Hollow. We made our own fairies and flew around completing tasks for TinkerBell and her fairy friends. We're in college, and this is how we spent our Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 835

You deserved it 63 341

By insomniacap - 30/12/2014 23:47 - United States - Stratford

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 4 944

OCD FML

By k…… - 13/10/2021 03:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I watched a tutorial video on YouTube. In the video, the guy had several apps with 50+ red notification dots on them, and it bothered me so much that I couldn’t even finish the video. I couldn’t find a single other video that could help me with my particular issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 607

Gamers rise up

By marie - 02/12/2020 23:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a stressful day at work, I just wanted to go home and play video games. And then I broke my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 133

Thousand-yard stare

By timiscuous - 20/04/2020 20:00 - New Zealand

Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 258

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 6 262

By xoxo96 - 03/05/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 336

You deserved it 5 088

By weave9z - 04/09/2012 02:08 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 124

You deserved it 3 153

By caterinette - 27/11/2014 02:04 - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 093

You deserved it 2 234

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 22:01

Today, my boyfriend and I went to his best friend’s birthday party. He got her red roses, a necklace and $100 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card. This year he forgot my birthday, gave me a hug and told me to leave his apartment because he had homework to do. We’ve been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 197

By Zitty - 12/07/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 545

You deserved it 65 118

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Top comments

kaylamarriee 10

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

Damn, that sucks. Sorry Op! Congrats on the engagement though :)

thatoneninjadude 14

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

thats just rude

Comments

kaylamarriee 10

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

Damn, that sucks. Sorry Op! Congrats on the engagement though :)

rocker_chick105 31

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

Original first comment I see.

kaylamarriee 10

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:54

No need for all of that, just trying to put some positivity into the FML instead of jokes like most people.

Octwo 16

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 23:15

Positive attitudes confuse and infuriate FML users.

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 23:15

Well you still possibly have your mom's blessing.

thatoneninjadude 14

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

thats just rude

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 23:12

Dick move on the dad's part.

HersheySquirts 17

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 23:22

Thats why the dad is a dick. He cant get his own dick to move.

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 23:56

What's a E.D?

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 0:10

erectile dysfunction.

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 6:18

#32 To put it bluntly, your pecker doesn't work like its supposed to hence why the dad wanted to have something dick related to compensate.

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 16:35

Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:52

congratulations on getting engaged. wish you all the best

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:53

While being married is a very normal, commonplace thing, it's still very exciting when someone close to you is getting married. He seems to have some issues. If he came to the wedding without you knowing for sure how he's gonna react, he will probably ruin it. No one wants their wedding (since many hope they only have one) to be ruined by family.

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:35

This may sound really harsh but I suggest not inviting him if he's being a dick like that about your happy day. Congratulations!!

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:53

Your dad seems like a dick, FYL and fuck your fiancé's life.

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 1:20

Omg you're so negative.. You can't just call her dad that :|

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 2:18

His dad...

hope27 15

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 3:59

41 umm yeah he can call him a dick because op's dad was acting like a dick. He ruined a special announcement for his son and basically said their marriage isn't going to make it.

volcanes_jovenes 6

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:34

What does the fiancee have to do with this? Nowhere in the FML did he say anything bad about her...

chinaski7628 32

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 6:26

48-- the fiancée will have a dick for a father-in-law, hence the 'F your fiancée's life'.

siggy_mcsigx 22

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 11:06

48 He did, he said "the bitch will take all the money in the divorce" the bitch being the fiancee. It's a pretty sexist, nasty remark.

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:53

Don't let him ruin your mood OP, congratulations! (:

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:54

He's just upset that he can't get fucked anymore while you get all the newlywed sex you want

Plastic_Stitchez 25

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:55

ED?

HersheySquirts 17

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 23:04

Erectile Dysfunction

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 23:14

Thank you! The whole thing didn't make sense. I thought her dad was gay and he was getting a guy named Ed.

AmethystOcean 7

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 11:37

That was too funny.!

savemeSheehan 8

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Wednesday 13 August 2014 12:33

I thought it ment eating disorders :/ oops

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:55

wow. selfcentered jerk

Earths_Venus 25

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Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:57

Well, someone's a little bitter and twisted...

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 141