By "baow" - 17/03/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks 666
You deserved it 3 534

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So in conclusion don't get shitface drunk at a party and then make claims that even a sober dicked you couldn't fulfill.

Your should have tied her up and whipped her ass with your flaccid dick.

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Ok, first of all, you met her AT a party, not ON one, secondly, if you hooked up in your room, it was YOUR party, not A party (implying it was someone elses party), and thirdly, you completely deserve it. Sit down, be humble.

Your should have tied her up and whipped her ass with your flaccid dick.

So in conclusion don't get shitface drunk at a party and then make claims that even a sober dicked you couldn't fulfill.

That’s when your hands and mouth come into play

Yeah hes just awful at sex and tries to blame alcohol

You're aware that the inspiration for 50 Shades is Twilight, right?

Um, even the most ignorant of dumb-f*ks in the WORLD (DF) knows that alcohol is a depressant that kills Mr. Happy almost instantly and also makes you & it uncoordinated.... You've NEVER tried to "do the needful" to yourself at home after bar closing while fantasizing about the most beautiful, sexy woman in the state/ province who deigned to patronize your favorite bar and favor you with her presence, but gave you "The Look of Silent Disdain" when all that you only did was to respectively & cheerfully say "Hello" as you walked by only for you to furthermore sadly learn that Mr. Happy gets drunk very, very, VERY qwikly, easily, and "falls down" limply? (And no, it's NEVER happened to me - limply or disdained - because I'm a "very well-read, intelligent, & careful about my own health" dude who can well correctly discuss any topic in the word with grace, gentlemanly respect, and proper, but hilarious humor.) AND YES, you DID know what the slang term "Whiskey Dick" literally referred to beforehand.... YOU'RE the biggest DF in the country! You've never even heard about a thing called the internet that you can use to VERY easily research various topics BEFORE leaving home for said bar? Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! (Sorry, but I have to honestly & correctly call them like I see them - even if I've been 1000% blind since birth....) Shalom!

Sebastian Strange 4

this was such a long unnecessary read, shut up dude

*tips fedora* I’m assuming that as such a well-read, highly esteemed member of society, this has never happened to you. Let’s both play devils advocate here. In this case I would have gone down town. If this had happened to you (assuming you actually have a chance at contact with a female) what would you have done?

getting cocky is what led to that

OGSteveJobs he only deserves it because he was talking himself up all night and making up lies. He was trying way too hard and karma humbled him. Men who do stuff like that are annoying, but I don’t hate them, or any other men, for that matter. ;)

Wait, so you’re a sparkly vampire named Edward? That is an FML!