Money: Today, the man who has been my stepfather for six years, has...

By moe - 19/10/2010 19:15 - United States

Today, the man who has been my stepfather for six years, has forgotten how old I am. However, he remembers exactly how much my real father owes him for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 553

You deserved it 2 849

Money

Mother of the year

Compromises

Movie night

By in_hardik - 11/06/2012 01:14 - United States

Today, at my workplace, I saw a system crashing. I mean literally, my manager was throwing my colleague's laptop at him while shouting around the office. This is only my second day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 990

You deserved it 1 851

By katiebird - 16/03/2016 20:51 - United States - Durham

Today, my father informed me that I will have no chance of dating a good man if I keep up with these interracial relationships. And that he won't be supporting me through college if I continue this "rebellion." My boyfriend is half black and loves the same music, sports, and movies as my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 544

You deserved it 2 014

By AyDiosMio42 - 08/09/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 800

You deserved it 70 422

By Itsnotmeitsyou - 11/10/2013 06:09 - Australia

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 879

You deserved it 5 071

By Megan - 23/02/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 742

You deserved it 5 453

By broke4life - 28/10/2015 22:16

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 1 908

Frozen

By Scarred for life - 13/03/2020 08:00

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 128

By alealovespurple - 16/08/2009 20:04 - Canada

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 770

You deserved it 17 186

By kmtranter - 28/12/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 805

You deserved it 10 543

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 02:21 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 969

You deserved it 2 264

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 02:00

Today, I had the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my lower right abdomen. I was doubled over and vomiting it hurt so bad. After going to the E.R., thinking it was my appendix and getting checked in, I let out the biggest most rancid fart in my life and the pain immediately went away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 355

Humblebrag

By Jason - 09/09/2021 05:01

Today, I discovered that have large "parts" is not all it's cracked up to be, when the girl of my dreams broke up with me because, and I quote, "We tried everything and it just won't fit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 257

By apparentfatty - 11/11/2011 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 244

You deserved it 7 111

By zbaby - 23/05/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 851

You deserved it 6 858

By Jioune - 05/07/2016 21:56 - France - Caluire

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 469

You deserved it 2 524

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 18:30 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 557

You deserved it 4 549

By photofaint - 23/02/2012 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 214

You deserved it 3 613

By wot02 - 27/07/2015 02:02 - United States

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 216

You deserved it 3 268

By Anonymous - 29/12/2014 19:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 054

You deserved it 3 586

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 819

You deserved it 1 792

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 005

You deserved it 6 119

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 13:00

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 022

You deserved it 204

Evil always wins

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was in the Walmart parking lot listening to some music in my car and some lady comes up to me and say, “Boy, the music you listen to is so unholy, I think you need some Jesus in your life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 288

By missmirror - 02/05/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were 'bored'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 602

You deserved it 4 998

By GoAggies - 21/06/2016 17:11 - United States - Herriman

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 916

You deserved it 2 482

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 14:28 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 545

You deserved it 5 779

Scotland and its leccy bills

By ScottishSteak - 27/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 97

By bursteardrums - 16/08/2011 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 287

You deserved it 11 195

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, "This is so easy. Just watch." I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 402

You deserved it 53 360

Understanding

By nothanks - 22/08/2010 13:42 - United States

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 674

You deserved it 5 815

By David - 02/09/2016 06:01 - United States - London

Today, my boss found out I had applied for a much better paying job. He told me I'd do a better job and make more money there. Then he fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 585

You deserved it 2 309

Gross

By gotanewmouse - 26/09/2011 10:37 - New Zealand

Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 918

You deserved it 6 780

Free vacation

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 14:01

Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 186

Parenting struggles

By Aniel85 - 22/11/2021 20:01

Today, after I worked 15 hours yesterday, coming home at 1 a.m. thinking I could sleep in because my kids have no school, I was woken up at 7 a.m. because they wanted pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 191

By Benchthewarmer - 08/07/2009 05:49 - United States

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 697

You deserved it 3 579

By Cathy - 17/01/2012 00:33 - United States

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 652

You deserved it 3 401

Buyer's market

By gasbrain - 05/09/2020 20:06

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 172

By AntSimo - 19/05/2009 07:46 - South Africa

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 556

You deserved it 2 955

By Laura_2118 - 12/12/2009 07:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 836

You deserved it 4 310

By idiot - 24/01/2013 19:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 544

You deserved it 40 212

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Top comments

ShadowPunkChick 1

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 23:38

Your father doesn't owe your stepfather anything. He owes your mother. But still that sucks. put a few extra candles on his next birthday cake?

krushr 3

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 23:20

What a deadbeat.

krushr 3

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 23:20

What a deadbeat.

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 23:29

And apparently you don't have to use periods.

KingDingALing 9

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 0:03

Ehh..it's ok. I'm bad with remembering how old people are to. :(

babyyappld 7

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 2:26

are you serious? your friends aren't your parents but you expect them to know your age no?

tj79 3

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:12

hmm doesn't sound like he is a loving step father. plus the money goes to your mom if he wants to get technical. I say this because the court awarded it to her. go take a dump in the driver's seat of his car, piss into the ac vents, and rub limburger cheese on the exhuast manifolds, and coat the radiator with grated parm.