Miscellaneous: Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because...

By uglynerd - 26/05/2013 00:45 - United States - Streamwood

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 714

You deserved it 4 589

Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

Hang in there

Divorce impending

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 183

You deserved it 2 582

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 853

You deserved it 8 362

By JealousBratMuch - 26/07/2013 00:51 - Canada - High River

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 192

You deserved it 4 112

By Anonymous - 07/08/2015 17:31 - United States - Newark

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 959

You deserved it 1 878

By oops - 27/09/2015 02:24 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 716

You deserved it 5 568

Willpower

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 14:00

Today, I started my new health kick: granola for breakfast, salad for lunch and gym after work. I was so proud of myself until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 1 630

By scarred - 17/09/2018 15:30

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 417

You deserved it 365

Unrequited and stuck

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 710

By what's a rimjob between friends? - 06/09/2013 21:42 - United States - Boston

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 991

You deserved it 4 424

Impressive

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 08:01

Today, I had a big job interview on Zoom. I forgot my name was set as "Fat F***". I joined the call and the older lady interviewing me was very offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 1 358

By theunborn - 19/06/2012 16:42 - France - Vic-fezensac

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 756

You deserved it 3 545

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 1 702

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 17:56 - Philippines - Dasmari?as

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 444

You deserved it 3 147

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 06:32 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 668

You deserved it 4 685

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 06:00 - Australia - Frankston

Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 289

You deserved it 490

By UptoHERE - 04/02/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 362

You deserved it 2 268

By CmS_1733 - 11/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Pottsville

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 066

You deserved it 3 012

By thanksgrandpa - 08/03/2016 20:08 - Canada - Concord

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 861

You deserved it 1 609

By OUCH - 19/05/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 376

You deserved it 3 222

By Sean - 09/09/2013 21:04 - United States

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 800

You deserved it 2 988

Yeet it time

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 12:59 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I got fired for not being mature enough. I just found out I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 339

Zoom call from hell

By low_expectations - 19/08/2020 02:04

Today, I was yelled at by my mom for not communicating to the rest of my family about the zoom call SHE planned and asked for. The call was to celebrate my birthday. Apparently, it was my responsibility to coordinate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 868

You deserved it 2 936

By Mandy - 20/05/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 101

You deserved it 8 745

By robotchickens - 10/03/2010 19:54 - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 048

You deserved it 2 687

By too eager - 25/04/2016 15:21 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 926

You deserved it 2 939

By deez_nutz - 10/03/2009 12:46 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 488

You deserved it 29 241

By Tom - 15/06/2009 10:07 - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 385

You deserved it 3 575

By ph2222 - 05/10/2015 17:10 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 130

You deserved it 3 617

By Awkward - 22/10/2014 00:36 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 584

You deserved it 28 194

By kristine29 - 03/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 792

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 954

You deserved it 6 417

By pikachu - 20/01/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 516

You deserved it 4 496

By StupidCar - 07/02/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 974

You deserved it 4 845

By MrCanoe - 01/03/2009 21:58 - Canada

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 055

You deserved it 299 436

By josh - 23/01/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 4 087

By MadameM - 26/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 025

You deserved it 9 720

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 144

You deserved it 152 834

By aylla - 06/01/2012 17:51 - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 893

You deserved it 2 390

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 184

You deserved it 579

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Top comments

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:46

Now you understand why they were so keen to buy you that WOW membership, XBOX Live subscription and all those games. Turns out you can put a price on virginity!

ozpunker 20

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:46

Cook meth to spite them.

Elmo_83 3

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:44

Damn!

feelingold 18

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Sunday 26 May 2013 11:21

Ugly people have sex too. There's an old saying my papa once shared with me: "dirty water still quenches fire." Yep.

evilraider 5

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Sunday 26 May 2013 14:40

Op what's your number you can say fuck you dad after we do the same

chowE_fml 4

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Sunday 26 May 2013 19:12

OP it's ok! Tell you parents not to speak too soon. Everyone knows that after high school the ugly nerd ALWAYS turns into the hot slut. Go from geek to chic & bedroom freak.

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:46

Now you understand why they were so keen to buy you that WOW membership, XBOX Live subscription and all those games. Turns out you can put a price on virginity!

HowAreYouToday 34

Sunday 26 May 2013 10:50

Virginity is overrated.

sikunt89_fml 16

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Sunday 26 May 2013 11:06

I love WoW

rizzybear 4

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Sunday 26 May 2013 11:07

Yeah morals are overrated too...

Kazenoe 24

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Sunday 26 May 2013 15:19

I lost my virginity to someone I met on WoW, so can't say that plan is foolproof...

narkill 13

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Sunday 26 May 2013 20:40

Am I the only one worried about 45's possible molestation?

squideth 18

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Sunday 26 May 2013 20:53

I'm sorry, but how does valuing your own personal virginity give you morals? Morals have nothing to do with virginity. At all. If you're a virgin and value it, great. If you don't care about virginity and don't see it as a big deal, great. Neither of you are superior to the other, as long as you both are responsible. I'm personally surprised that you people seem so okay with judging others because they have different views on their own bodies. Pretty sad.

Nekogami 14

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Sunday 26 May 2013 21:48

Lol! My parents viewed my addiction to video games as a means to keep me out of trouble as well. Win/win scenario. It didn't help prevent my loss of virginity but it certainly kept me away from drugs and alcohol. Lol.

Xivion 18

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Sunday 26 May 2013 23:21

#45 Now was that in game or...?

dunebro 15

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Wednesday 29 May 2013 16:51

So WoW, Xbox and gaming is for ugly virgin-nerds?

jessejamesc 8

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Tuesday 4 June 2013 6:59

I went on a date with this girl twice. I'll never forget what she said to me "dont worry, as soon as I get my WoW membership ill loose a ton of weight cause I spend all my time playing and don't eat much." ...Metabolism fail.

ozpunker 20

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:46

Cook meth to spite them.

flockz 19

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Sunday 26 May 2013 11:54

easy there, walter.

ozpunker 20

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Sunday 26 May 2013 13:11

What's this Walter business? I'm just a crack head.

ColdplaySucks 18

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Sunday 26 May 2013 15:57

Walter White is the main character who cooks meth to pay for his cancer treatment in AMC's Breaking Bad.

ksks1234 33

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Sunday 26 May 2013 18:57

You forgot to tell her to get knocked up as well.

ozpunker 20

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:47

Cook meth to spite them.

freakinfantastic 9

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:48

prove them wrong?

Msraina 8

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:48

No one can be ugly on the outside when they're beautiful on the inside. There's also nothing wrong with being a nerd. I'm not saying prove them wrong, though. Just don't take comments like that to heart.

gc327072 30

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Sunday 26 May 2013 19:40

"The best thing a girl can be in this world is a nerd, an ugly nerd." Wait that's not how the quote goes…

euphoricness 28

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Monday 27 May 2013 1:53

I will fix it for you, " The best thing a girl can be in this world... Of Warcraft, is a nerd, an ugly nerd." :D

Tempest151 11

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:49

Show them! Just start bootleggin' black tar. Or maybe not. Either way surprise yourself

Abbbiiieeeeeeeee 16

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Sunday 26 May 2013 10:49

How horrible of them, OP. However, if they are going by stereotypes, then you can too. Have fun in the future when your current hard work has paid off. Have fun laughing all the way to the bank when you stop being that "ugly nerd" and are "the successful young person" And finally, have fun laughing at your parents who slated you all those years ago. :)