Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
He snorted lasagna? Damn, I think you have bigger problems than his table manners.
dbomb88 0
he sounds very entheuastic about his work..
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Comments (47)
Mischief5Managed 0
How else was he supposed to say it. The job in itself is what's embarrising. "i clear away fecal matter" is no more impressive than "i clean shit" lol
tygerarmy 35
Exactly, if that's his job what else is he supposed to say? He may not be a janitor or custodial engineer he may just be a shit cleaner. Or maybe he is a janitor but either his personality or from how the night was going he decided that was the better or funnier response.
Shantasia 0
That's what you get for having a slob for a boyfriend.
Psychotic_Snail 0
"Dump" on the guy
Kennz 0
Pick a better man sweety. Or at least pick one with some class.
beckieewood 0
that's attractive :/
batman8 0
job is job. gotta do do what you gotta do do
emjay09 0
could have been worse. at least your mom didn't ask "what do you do?" and a reply of "your daughter."
alexFYL 11
So does he clean poop... or polish poop... or clean items but with slang he calls it "shit"? I don't get it.
Mischief5Managed 0
Shouldn't dump someone just because of their job title. So he cleans shit. So what. It's a job, someone has to do it. Probably should've mentioned his occupation to your parents beforehand though to avoid this scenario.
brianconti29 0
he should of yelled "AHHHH WOOOOO! AHHHH WOOOOO!" xD haha