Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
He snorted lasagna? Damn, I think you have bigger problems than his table manners.
dbomb88 0
he sounds very entheuastic about his work..
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Comments (47)
allard 14
remember me anne :)
Cass3m0 0
"Well, I say! Do you clean specific kinds of shit? Human AND animal, or just one of those? Cause our bathroom? Whew! We could use a shit cleaner 'round here." is what I would've said if I were OP's parents. xD
humorizer 14
And if you were the OP's parents, I'd ask you how in the heck you were his parents. Man... I just can't figure it out. I mean if it were asexual reproduction, you'd still be a single parent. Same with self fertilization. It's mind boggling, really.
HaileyHAVOC 0
^^ win. love you!
humorizer 14
Wonderful! Let us get married then!
Korro 8
boy you sure know how to pick them!
sleepyhungry93 0
keeper or ex? dun dun Duuuunnnn!
BWill9014 4
I admire his great passion for his work... ah it was truly beautiful how he displayed his emotion and care with such vivid details... you hear a snort... but I hear a man's love and fulfillment for his place of employment... try to see the light OP and the true greatness of the man you are with...
thelastavailable 13
Ha!
ItsJustMak 0
L. M. F. A. O
satomi_ishida 0
At least he has a job. And to everyone saying "dump him" in some way or another because of his table manners, poor guy was just surprised when the question was asked. Not everyone can have wonderful composure in front of parent's. OP, if you really like him, who cares what happened? You know him and we don't.
RedPillSucks 33
Well, the bad table manners and saying "shit" at the table in front of her parents would be enough for me. Dude gotta know how to act.
fidrat04 0
is your boyfriend a shit cleaner to?? lol
romanceaser 0
oh please I'm sick of "at least he has a job". whenever I needed to I found work. even sat home just buying and reselling stuff cuz I didn't want to work, and when I got tired of it I found work right away. in fact while I was on one job I got called for an interview fir another. so stop whining.
zenti 2
@40 Cool story bro, but it doesn't always work out so perfectly with other people. @19 Still, he could have found a better way to say it. If he was trying to joke around and added more to it, making the parents laugh or whatever, then yeah, the OP could let it slide. If, however, he just snorted and said it that way, then let it be the end of that, then that's a problem. I'd have hoped by now that most people have been taught as children what is and what is not appropriate behavior at table.
Zebidee 9
I thought you couldn't polish a turd.
UpsidedownKayak 9
Oh, it can be done. I saw it on Mythbusters.
LeeRoyJenkinss 0
I love that show. I saw the same episode.
martyh27 2
You can polish a turd but it's still a turd.
Zebidee 9
As the saying goes in the advertising industry, 'You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter...'
SomeGuyInASuit 0
Now, Isn't that charming? How much does he earn a month? I bet he earns a "SHITLOAD" of money! Ahaha! No? ...
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Almost.
banana_buddy 6
If the boyfriend would just have a 3 way with OP and her mom I'm sure they'd be able to come to terms.
cupcakemonster10_fml 0
I totally agree with 19 mayb he was just surprised so don't dump him cus that's a stupid reason