Miscellaneous: Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web... - FML

By stupidrobot - 03/09/2015 20:14 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 314

You deserved it 8 296

Best teeth in the game

You tried

Who the fuck asked you?

By froggylicious - 16/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 923

You deserved it 5 728

By Iceicebaby - 15/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 129

You deserved it 645

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 20:58 - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 840

You deserved it 9 248

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 266

You deserved it 1 261

By fuck gangnam style in the anus - 20/10/2012 22:48 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, I purchased a brand new television. Not long after the professional who hung it on my wall left, it came crashing down on my hardwood floor. I'm now left with a busted TV, a tear in my living room wall, and a severely drained bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 983

You deserved it 2 827

By jsyn - 09/11/2013 23:27 - United States - East Hampton

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 023

You deserved it 11 938

By satanlovesme - 30/05/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 762

You deserved it 8 324

By Noname - 17/01/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 735

You deserved it 39 225

By enjoy - 13/10/2008 08:30

Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 313

You deserved it 23 044

By Farterella - 02/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 689

You deserved it 1 533

By nobieb - 20/08/2013 16:28 - Canada - Welland

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 056

You deserved it 3 587

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 117

You deserved it 2 964

By dishwasherforlife - 04/11/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 6 138

By anonymous - 15/10/2017 01:30

Today, my dad's face flushed when I introduced him to my new boyfriend. I live in a small town, and it turns out my dad recognized him. He's the secret child from an affair two decades ago. He's my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 048

You deserved it 307

By scared4myhair - 12/04/2015 01:53 - United States - Flint

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 537

You deserved it 2 757

By devil neighbours - 11/04/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I'm living in a house share with a passive-aggressive middle-aged couple who leave rude notes around the house and yet pretend I don't exist when they happen to be in the same room as me. I'm in no position to get rid of them or move myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 315

By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 519

You deserved it 38 864

By Pain - 28/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 971

You deserved it 72 099

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 05:47 - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 485

You deserved it 16 497

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Spicy

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 085

You deserved it 1 807

By jamalinho - 11/05/2011 17:51 - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 3 393

Roommates from hell

By NotEnoughBleach - 14/03/2016 03:58 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trying to sleep, my roommates were shouting in the next room. When I poked my head out to tell them to shut up, I was greeted by the sight of one of them with his knob duct-taped inside a gun holster, and the other one trying to rip it off. And they wonder why I'm not more social. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 745

You deserved it 1 328

By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 149

You deserved it 38 636

Broken equipment

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 07:08 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument about wanting kids, as I want to have kids but she doesn’t. I explained the situation to my sister. She just kicked me in the nuts and said, “There, problem solved.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 409

By Username - 02/08/2011 04:43 - Australia

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 941

You deserved it 2 733

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 885

You deserved it 5 972

By Insomniac - 28/07/2012 09:56 - United States - Wasilla

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 525

You deserved it 2 440

By AshlynnPrime - 14/11/2013 22:44 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 615

You deserved it 3 108

By why - 20/01/2018 15:00

Today, I was suspended for "selling drugs on campus". I was trying to give the school nurse approved medication for my severe epilepsy. I'm suspended for 3 weeks and have to go to a drug seminar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 311

You deserved it 278

By Blueshock08 - 23/02/2012 07:03 - United States

Today, I learned that it doesn't matter how good you've screwed a satellite dish onto the side of your house, it won't stop the wind the ripping it off and taking half the wall with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 265

You deserved it 3 007

By SpanishInFrenchClass - 06/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 705

You deserved it 5 419

By Mary - 04/12/2011 22:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 864

You deserved it 4 058

By Loser - 13/09/2016 12:10 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 861

You deserved it 1 226

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 120

By shitpile - 06/08/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. While on the 100ft slide, my father decided it would be a great idea to pants me. I slipped and went down the 100ft slide naked for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 383

You deserved it 4 034

By FASHlONABLE - 05/04/2010 07:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 097

You deserved it 9 958

By Lo_Bolian - 25/04/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 589

You deserved it 3 398

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 427

You deserved it 60 511

By Username - 09/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 431

You deserved it 8 145

By campus pussy - 22/03/2014 21:08 - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 963

You deserved it 11 411

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Top comments

Xeebar 28

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:31

You damn robots need to stop trying to be people.

dakotaabriannee 14

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:31

I'm curious as to what this simple math problem was.

Comments

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:29

Everyone makes mistakes! It's ok!

mattzawesome 28

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:42

Safe comment for almost any FML. Great originality there.

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Friday 4 September 2015 6:05

It's nice to see that everyone here has gotten to the low point of chastising simple, consoling remarks. Sometimes a simplistic statement says a lot more than trying to be witty or writing a dissertation.

reneetlovesyou 30

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:30

Your life sucks but you also deserve it.

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Friday 4 September 2015 8:23

There's a button for both remarks you just stated lol

AznLuvsMusic 26

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:30

What was the problem?

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Friday 4 September 2015 9:27

1 + 1 = window

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Friday 4 September 2015 14:48

What's 9+10?

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Saturday 5 September 2015 4:26

21?

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Monday 7 September 2015 19:14

Jane had 7 bananas. Someone stole 3 lightbulbs from her. Calculate the circumference of the sun.

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:30

Don't worry, most people find math difficult

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Saturday 5 September 2015 5:01

but there is literally no excuse both phones and computers have calculators on then

Xeebar 28

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:31

You damn robots need to stop trying to be people.

TheGreyJayLP 10

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Friday 4 September 2015 14:20

Don't be robophobic.

dakotaabriannee 14

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:31

I'm curious as to what this simple math problem was.

Ichiya 29

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:55

(2xー5x³)/sin(45-2/456x^98)-√5^√x^¾＝y. what is x , when y is .567336337

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Friday 4 September 2015 7:18

I would be able to do that if I knew what sin was.

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Friday 4 September 2015 10:08

I assume it was basic algebra. There isn't a point for it to be harder. Although a robot would be able to solve much harder problems. Much harder math is used to program things after all

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Sunday 6 September 2015 11:28

4

jayennachristine 23

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:31

Or are you a human??? O.o

dont_touch_my_ca 8

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:32

Psh. Arithmetic. Who needs it?

Iarla_ceapaire93 24

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Friday 4 September 2015 12:52

Robots, apparently.

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:35

What was the problem?

canadiangirl98 9

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:37

Sorry to hear about your additional problem

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 32

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 275