Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML
Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
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Top comments
goldbugs 4
OP, Go get your dad back and explain the misunderstanding. It's better to be embarrassed than to have separated parents...
taymichele16 15
More like f your father's life
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Comments (137)
ninjamadi 16
Seriously you don't want to be the reason they divorce do you? get them together and explain what happened. they'll appreciate it and it'll be a funny joke later
murph_fml 21
On the other hand, he won't beat himself up wondering if he caused their divorce, he'd know.
tournamentdecide 33
Ah, yes, he'd have the guilt of knowing he tore his parents' marriage apart. Isn't that just so much better.
leogachi 15
I don't think they'll be joking about that. It's pretty serious shit, they'll probably try to forget about it if it comes to light.
NOTaDISTRACTION 17
The mom doesn't seem to be the kind of person to laugh it off, she seems batshit insane
mzshannababy 16
what? follow up with us, and let us know if you fessed up!
Idahome 6
You HAVE to tell her the truth!!! You just ****** up your family by not owning up to what you did.
nutella4life 14
nice going. I hope u fess up and save your dad's ass
MmmPinkTacos 11
Ugh total fyl. Feeling embarrassed about getting caught watching **** is SO much worse than knowing you contributed to them getting a divorce.
chuka81 27
Well, you ****** your Dad up real, hard from behind. For someone with a dick, you sure acted like a pussy.
Miss_Chevious 37
wow you're exceptionally sexist aren't you?
drunkturtle 14
"Today I got kicked out of the house for watching ****, I wasn't watching any ****, it was my son but he wouldn't stick up for me FML
simmybaby_ 13
FYL?!! You're being a coward. Man up and apologize to your dad.
Cads1 24
Congrats, you may have just destroyed your family. Well done and good effort.
Ben12345_fml 18
It's not fair to your dad. You better tell your mom