Miscellaneous: Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

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Commando

Vulture

Nice neighborhood

By sober - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after spending 12 hours desperately searching everywhere I could think of, I'm forced to admit I left my wedding ring in the bathroom of the hotel suite we just spent our honeymoon in, on the literal other side of the planet. I am a dead man. FML

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By 530gangsta

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a couple asked me to donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

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By howard1954 - 27/10/2020 17:02

Where are you?

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to take him 30 minutes away to meet his friends so he could go fishing, adding that they wouldn't be gone all night. I dropped him off 13 hours ago, and he doesn't have a phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be cute, my boyfriend threw a snowball at me. This would have been fine had it not been hard enough to break my glasses. As a college student, I have to choose between eating for the next two weeks or replacing them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

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By taylor_eileen - United States

Today, I drove my mom home from the salon because she was feeling sick. I'm not the best driver, but I was excited that I was helping. Everything was going smoothly until I hit a bump in the road. My mom blew chunks all over. I found out very quickly that she had spicy chicken for lunch. FML

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By dpod121 - United States

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

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By jemstuff - United States

Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML

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By GirlishMan1883897 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

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By TheDeathguard

Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML

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By duckwater - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

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By ziggers10 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

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By GnarCarBar - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

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By helper - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Piscataway

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

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By Em - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

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By Cary - United States

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

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By theothercassie

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML

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By pansypup - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

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By crap - Thailand

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

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By fianceeless - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

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By Nathanael Johnson

Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML

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By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/5/2020 20:00

A load of hot air

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

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By sniper foxeh

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

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By Tim - United States

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 11:00 - Australia

BDSM FML

Today, I realised I need to grow up when I couldn’t stop laughing throughout a very serious meeting entitled, “Master / Sub Remediation Program.” It’s about electricity meters. FML

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By jedd90 - United States

Today, I overdraw my account, and I ended up paying an extra 35 bucks for a 1.99 item. It was an application on the iPhone that is supposed to help me keep track of my money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

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By kahemae44 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

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By catdog552 - United States

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

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Top comments

By Cads1 | 24

#6347096 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:12

An evil genius at work.

By mikeman1744 | 18

#6347108 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:15

I feel bad for you and all but that's a pretty hilarious prank

COMMENTS

By Cads1 | 24

#6347096 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:12

An evil genius at work.

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6347107 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:14

Looks like you got screwed

By mikeman1744 | 18

#6347108 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:15

I feel bad for you and all but that's a pretty hilarious prank

By Fyrepower | 23

#6347113 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:16

Sounds like a sticky situation, OP, J got to hand it to you...

Reply

mattzawesome | 28

#6347128 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:19

This isn't even a pun that works. Wtf man?

Reply

enginsteve | 17

#6347296 - Saturday 11 July 2015 11:34

I liked it.

Reply

thewayoftheopa | 4

#6349204 - Monday 13 July 2015 4:46

Why do funny or clever things get so many downvotes? Does anyone have a sense of humor, goodness...?

Reply

mattzawesome | 28

#6349291 - Monday 13 July 2015 6:36

It was a really shitty pun. It didn't even work.. It's a terrible pun. Real humor is appreciated here, recurring, boring, unoriginal stupid puns are not funny.

By connaughty0225 | 16

#6347117 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:17

Well at least he didn't load anything worse than hardcore you might be in a little deeper water if it was a hardcore fetish porn....

Reply

PhinIt2WinIt | 24

#6347533 - Saturday 11 July 2015 17:16

or CP

By Silk_Routes | 14

#6347127 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:19

Friend how juvenile!.."

By demonte_jones | 19

#6347129 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:20

What goes around comes around. I say revenge would be great in this situation.

Reply

danial1214 | 21

#6347279 - Saturday 11 July 2015 11:07

If OP got revenge his friend would want to get revenge as well, just better to forgive and forget.

By rockwrench | 18

#6347130 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:20

Priceless

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6347131 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:20

I know what it looks like, I can explain.

By Brandi_Faith | 33

#6347132 - Saturday 11 July 2015 7:21

You could try explaining to your mom that your friend had access to your computer and put the porn on as a joke when he saw her come in the room. You may be un-grounded but then she might ban you from hanging out with your friend.