Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML
Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
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Top comments
goldbugs 4
OP, Go get your dad back and explain the misunderstanding. It's better to be embarrassed than to have separated parents...
taymichele16 15
More like f your father's life
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Comments (137)
Gillett 23
I Jesse can tell what kind of man you're going to grow up to be.
ohSNAPyall 27
Your dad knows what happened, and he didn't throw you under the bus. But that's what you're doing to him. He's a good dad. Be a good son.
GamerG0DDESS 29
Wow, you're a prick. Own up to it now! F@$# your father's life.
worthypegram1 13
That is awful! You better tell the truth!!
alex_gen 39
Pretty sure it was more than "his" watching **** that caused him to be kicked out. I feel it was a long time coming and she used that as the last straw.
bjg1009 3
That's still awful though if the dad was working to fix things and then got wrongfully blamed for this.
niamah 11
Are you ******* retarded? Get your dad back and own up
dracolich 27
FYL and FHL. :( I can't imagine being with someone who has that level of issues with ****.
WhatsMyLineAgain 8
Man up you little bitch.
messymessiah 11
I'm sorry-not-sorry for this, but you're an arsehole. You can't take a bit of embarrassment over your dad getting kicked out? I'm pretty sure your parents already know you watch **** anyway. You're a young male. It's almost expected.
Shade1982 21
If the mom's response to a bit of **** is to kick out the dad, I don't think she is the understanding type. That, or they have a lot more issues...
awesumous 16
OMG, ur parents may separate. U are a terrible person, u need to tell ur mom!!!!