By owngoalscored

Overreaction much?

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3608

You deserved it

305

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Broken bum

OK sweaty, time for a bath

By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4067

You deserved it

293

Tweet

Share

By stinky car - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43933

You deserved it

10375

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1176

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today is my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend, all I wanted to do was treat him to dinner and be intimate with him. However today is also the 9th day of my period and the 5th day that I’m feeling constantly nauseous. My period should’ve ended 5 days ago...FML

I agree, your life sucks

2442

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/2/2021 23:00 - Canada

Yeet it

Today, I finally had my doctor's appointment to get my tubes tied. I've been waiting for 2 years. Instead, I found out that my birth control failed and I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

320

You deserved it

37

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41890

You deserved it

26158

Tweet

Share

By purplexangel - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14845

You deserved it

22438

Tweet

Share

By inboxbuddies - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40430

You deserved it

5934

Tweet

Share

By Lonely Gay - United States

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32402

You deserved it

5353

Tweet

Share

By axwound - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15473

You deserved it

29132

Tweet

Share

By Female - United States - Montebello

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14343

You deserved it

794

Tweet

Share

By MrsCasillas - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my financial issues hit a new low when I had to borrow back some of the money I gave the guy who did my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35386

You deserved it

5783

Tweet

Share

By adamwilcockson - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36782

You deserved it

2958

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52721

You deserved it

4855

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3160

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39084

You deserved it

4047

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32872

You deserved it

3505

Tweet

Share

By gayboii - United Kingdom

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21916

You deserved it

35521

Tweet

Share

By varsity soccer player - United States

Today, I had my first day of soccer tryouts. We began with a two mile run. Trying to be honest for once, I didn't lie about my time. Everyone else did. I thus got the worst score, and had to run it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33163

You deserved it

4527

Tweet

Share

By Joel

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2852

You deserved it

1052

Tweet

Share

By coffee - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

I agree, your life sucks

39390

You deserved it

13588

Tweet

Share

By Moving On - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24504

You deserved it

9492

Tweet

Share

By CantPublish - United States

Today, during swimming in PE, I kept noticing a stinging feeling on my scrotum. Every time I jumped into the water I would feel a sharp stab. After the full hour of hell, I went to the bathroom and looked in my new trunks. The designer had left their sewing needle in the crotch netting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43845

You deserved it

4963

Tweet

Share

By oof - 9/7/2020 23:01

Boom, headshot

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1030

You deserved it

1601

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 02:00

Contradictions everywhere

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

128

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28775

You deserved it

3281

Tweet

Share

By Shit - United States - San Francisco

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48522

You deserved it

6717

Tweet

Share

By lrgenesis - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30077

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, my dad came home and said that he was so inspired by hip hop dancers on TV that he decided to take a hip hop dance class. He signed up for the class that my girlfriend teaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37353

You deserved it

3906

Tweet

Share

By creedonfied - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27216

You deserved it

2954

Tweet

Share

By inthecold - United States

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29097

You deserved it

8050

Tweet

Share

By hunchback of notre bite - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51322

You deserved it

7380

Tweet

Share

By SLA - United States

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

108221

You deserved it

32496

Tweet

Share

By Al - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65798

You deserved it

3327

Tweet

Share

By milkndstufff - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39261

You deserved it

3603

Tweet

Share

By shit

Today, I was in a public restroom trying to take a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1610

You deserved it

636

Tweet

Share

By labie

Today, my girlfriend angrily broke up with me. The reason? I misgendered her new dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5005

You deserved it

528

Tweet

Share

By Nomoreballs - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25638

You deserved it

6408

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59251

You deserved it

6168

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23023

You deserved it

1699

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7694129 - Sunday 16 September 2018 6:19

Remind her how you came into existence in the first place.

By melisssa87 | 30

#7697706 - Saturday 22 September 2018 22:14

Your mom seems to have forgotten that you can watch porn on your phone too

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7694129 - Sunday 16 September 2018 6:19

Remind her how you came into existence in the first place.

Reply

Chazzster | 20

#7697772 - Sunday 23 September 2018 1:32

I am guessing that it was Mom’s own experiences that caused her to overreact in the first place - So I’m not so sure reminding Mom that sex has been around for a while would help. Unfortunately some parents are so sexually constipated they are unable to picture their daughter or son ever being ready for sex.

By melisssa87 | 30

#7697706 - Saturday 22 September 2018 22:14

Your mom seems to have forgotten that you can watch porn on your phone too

By real life problems | 26

#7697722 - Saturday 22 September 2018 23:19

I was watching Spartacus and had my mom walk in right as they were showing 2 guys having sex. That was fun to explain

By raven_of_azarath | 32

#7697734 - Saturday 22 September 2018 23:51

She didn’t even give you a chance to show her what you were watching and the rating of it?

By Charlie Given | 23

#7697735 - Saturday 22 September 2018 23:54

Umm has your mom no respect has she ever heard of knocking on a door first and does she think it's the 1950's 🙄😒

By kazekai8 | 11

#7697740 - Sunday 23 September 2018 0:03

Is your mom one of those Christian parents?

Reply

tounces7 | 27

#7698165 - Monday 24 September 2018 0:00

That was my very first thought too.

By Emma Marshall | 19

#7697745 - Sunday 23 September 2018 0:22

How old are you?

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7697767 - Sunday 23 September 2018 1:23

Sounds like your mom needs to get laid

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7697783 - Sunday 23 September 2018 2:25

At least you didn't get caught watching an anime with females groping each other.

By Tony Friddle | 11

#7697787 - Sunday 23 September 2018 2:35

change her ringtone to something porn related.