Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
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Top comments
truslide 0
i am so sick of this pussy on pussy crime!!! LOL
mooseman 0
kinky.
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Comments (328)
fortunesque 0
Um... if she was going commando in her pj pants (which people do, admit it :P), then it's very possible that the cat could have clawed some inner areas. Because the kitten is playing with the drawstring on her pants, she could have been bent over a little with her legs open. Just saying...
natalieryanlol 0
#198 totally agree with you, what is so annoying about proceeded anyways?
hilaryy_fml 0
Stop arguing over which hurts more, getting hit in the balls or ******. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW! You can't just say it hurts more getting hit in the balls cos you've never got hit in the ******.
itsnotfair 0
omg, why are guys trying to prove that it hurts more for them to be hurt? ]well that's great, us girls don;t have to worry about that kind of pain. congratulations boys, you can suffer more pain than us when getting kicked in the nuts. i'm so jealous and proud of you, man i wish it hurt ME as much to get kicked/scratched in the genitals
natalieryanlol 0
ummm setlle pettles but who really cares haha they can argue all they like is it really bothering you thaaat much just chill :)
itsnotfair 0
ps it would be horribly painful for a cat to scratch the lips of your ******, they could actually tear it off. it would be akin to the foreskin of a penis being ripped off and it hurts to get scratched anywhere on your skin, male or female. and if it happened to a guy, it would hurt no more, because it's not something like being punched in the balls which you claim hurts sooo much, it's just a superficial injury so only affects the skin
Grimmkisa 0
Bhwahahah. Ouuuuch. :'>
redbluegreen 41
#198, #204 -The word proceeded has been used over and over again, sometimes improperly, in several other FMLs. A lot of people are getting annoyed with it. It's like when people mix up your and you're or their and they're. The overuse of a word can be just as irritating.
natalieryanlol 0
wow youre well informed what do you do for a living? look up whether it hurts more to be scratched in the ****** or penis? seriously this person just wrote this to be funny and give people who need a laugh a laugh. they didnt exactly anticipate 208 comments of abuse and analysis of whether it hurts more to be clawed in the vangina or penis. so seriously just laugh and get over it cool as
natalieryanlol 0
by the way i was talking to #208 in the comment #210