Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
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Top comments
truslide 0
i am so sick of this pussy on pussy crime!!! LOL
mooseman 0
kinky.
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Comments (328)
missbrunettgirl 0
This is why I'm a dog lover!
screwloose 0
It's not that it hurts more for a guy. It's that guys can't take the pain-- men have a much lower tolerance to pain than women. As for declawing: don't do it! One of the main reasons to declaw is to protect your furniture. Most cats with litter box aversion (where they piss and shit outside the box, and in places like, say, your bed) are declawed. So declawing leads to furniture and carpet damage. Even aside from the humane aspect, declawing is a bad idea. Instead, trim your cat's claws regularly and/or use the plastic claw caps to keep them from damaging stuff.
rukusrazor 0
Free piercing! Optimism!
mike_i_am 0
ATTACK OF THE PUSSY ... cat
uhmfml 0
Why do people have to take every FML so freakin literally?? We all know what the OP meant when she said that the cat was "hanging from [her] ******". Some people take this site so seriously and feel the need to correct and/or criticize every poster. To the OP: I am so unbelievably sorry. I couldn't even fathom that pain.
Liz23Ilia 0
New rule: Just say Vulva, the area in general, so people don't correct you on what part is what. "My cat hung from my 'vulva' " sounds weird, but at least it won't be a game of "guess the external part!"
lillyass 0
Shave the pussy
sickofnames 0
#223 "It's not that it hurts more for a guy. It's that guys can't take the pain-- men have a much lower tolerance to pain than women." That is such complete crap. It does hurt more for guys and in no way do men have a lower tolerance to pain. I can't remember the last time I saw a man cry out of physical pain. Girls constantly are. Maybe naturally women do have a higher tolerance, but in our society men develop a higher tolerance. Also, I don't think any guy is proud that it hurts more. It's just insulting for girls to believe that it hurts as much for them. It would be like a guy saying "Taking a huge dump hurts just as much for a guy as a woman giving birth". Um...no, it doesn't, and it's a bit insulting/dismissive of woman's pain.
summersong89 0
ohhh OUCH! i'm really sorry to hear that OP. One day i was volunteering at my local animal shelter when i picked up one of the cats and it all of a sudden freaked out and latched its claws into my boobs. that hurt really badly but probably not as bad as claws to the ******...
katherose 1
Vulva, not ******. Learn it.