Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
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Top comments
truslide 0
i am so sick of this pussy on pussy crime!!! LOL
mooseman 0
kinky.
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Comments (328)
lifeislife_fml 0
172: Anything along the lines of "He proceeded/started to jump and cling" makes way less sense than just writing "He jumped and clung". Also, no one would be bothered if someone wrote that in a few FMLs. But now that that phrase is used in every other FML, it sucks.
madame_malfoy 4
FYL...because well...enough said...and YDI...becasue letting your cat claw at ANYTHING anywhere near your pussy is just ASKING for pain
kwbuzz23wk 0
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML #305 (14) - 11/14/2008 at 10:27pm by dooommage - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (6631) - you deserved that one (3339) unorigional FML! if you are going to make it a guideline not to repeat FMLs then stop posting them!
genius_man16 1
owowowowowowowowowow at least you're not a guy. I'm sure it still hurt a TON tho.
seriously777 0
ouch that has to hurt!!! stupid cats!!
lovespeaceandsmi 0
Your kootch must smell like sushi
dralven 0
First of all, the kitten would have to jam his furry little paw UP your naughty region to get to your ******. The outter part? Not the ******. Secondly, how damn tight/thin were your pants?
kristina3514 0
OH MY GOD! I am really tired of the "oh I hate the word prodeede, stop using it, you deserved a cat clawing your pussy apart because you used the word proceeded!" I feel its totally valid to be annoyed but jesus what about being annoyed with all the pussy on pussy comments. That's just as annoying (and lame). Also how does someone deserve a cat clawing there genitals for using a word you dislike..?
izbrklyn 0
ouch!!! Time to get rid of that stupid cat
dyingstart 0
I was really expecting some asshole to say "YDI for having a cat"