Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
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Top comments
truslide 0
i am so sick of this pussy on pussy crime!!! LOL
mooseman 0
kinky.
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Comments (328)
Peroxide 3
Is it wrong for me to be totally turned on right now?
poison29 0
#28 - proceeded can mean to begin or start an action. duh.
hihihi1234 0
HAH! This is one of the few FMLs that truly makes me laugh out loud.
texas_dub 0
haha that was one tight pussy huh ? lol
Shshshar_ssscene 0
ouch! i am sooo sorry i can't imagine how bad that would hurt!
uhmfml 0
oh man. I cringed reading this. I am so sorry. :
clams_rule0002 0
wow that is a very perverted cat
rallets 23
how many times do we need to tell you idiots? STOP. *******. SAYING. PROCEEDED.
Zezzy_fml 0
160--if 159 had a ****** and a cat hung from it, it would still hurt to get kicked in the balls... and getting hit in the actual penis for a guy isn't that painful (prolly more painful for girls in their ******), but getting hit the BALLS is what is very painful, and FAR more painful than a girl getting kicked in the ******. when was the last time you saw a girl take a hit there and puke?
bloodredrice 0
dam that musta hurt so dam bad. i feel so sorry for you. and thats a stupid cat.