Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML
Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like sex. He said, "Funny, I didn't feel like driving to the store for your milkshake earlier, or digging up the flowerbed, or deep cleaning your car, but I did all that to make you happy. Don't I deserve a little reciprocation?" Jesus Christ, I married an asshole. FML
Today, my husband yet again procrastinated on a project for so long, that he now has to work during the weekend. When I asked whether or not we could still spend some free time together, he started ranting about how I ruin his career. He seriously thinks it's about us and not his horrible planning skills. FML
Today, my husband was working from home, so I asked him to clean the living room and basement. He started yelling about how he needs to focus and that I can't be "constantly distracting him." Sorry for expecting you to care for the space you live in, dick. FML
Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML
Today, my husband called and said he couldn’t make it home tonight from a party, because his car's battery had died and his friends didn’t have any jumper cables. When I offered to pick him up, he adamantly declined. I offered an Uber. Again, declined, and he got pissed, saying, “Stop worrying so much!” and hung up on me. FML
Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML
Today, my partner got mad at me for forgetting to turn off the bedroom light when coming back from brushing my teeth, and has chosen to sleep in our spare bedroom over it. FML
Today, I was trying to put my kids to bed but my husband kept riling them up with yelling, wrestling, etc. By the time we actually got them to bed I was exhausted. His ass had the nerve to throw a fit because I was too tired for sex. Why does he think I was trying to get them to sleep?! FML
Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing, then he left to his job saying he wouldn't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working full time, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML
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Top comments
rg350dx 29
Guess he'd rather work on his hotrod than get hot with his rod
EpicSquishii 21
43- Lighten the **** up, you stupid penguin.
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Comments (112)
thatnucca 36
A powerful one at that, if i may add... Might not be the compliment you were looking for, but it works...
s0m3guy2010 21
He may even be impressed if OP knows how to work a stick shift.
rg350dx 29
Guess he'd rather work on his hotrod than get hot with his rod
GoldenTaco 3
Shouldn't that be considered a compliment...? Well... in a way, right?
FalconCrunch 4
The wives/girlfriends probably could stand to lose a few pounds. Just a hunch.
TrueTriage 16
Just gotta shift him into gear and accelerate things really quickly
sabrinaacrow 26
Combine the two, have sex with him in his car
perdix 31
Sweeten the pot with pizza, peanut butter and videogames, and you'll get nailed! I guarantee it!
kyu_Q 19
If a woman has to go through that much trouble to get some from her husband, it might not be worth it
rg350dx 29
So we have to buy flowers, light candles, take women out on fancy nights on the town, lay out rose petals, all the traditional "romance" requirements but pizza, video games and peanut butter aren't worth it to women? Hmm I'm sensing a little one sided-ness here. It's a lot cheaper if anything.
perdix 31
#60, for me, it's even more one-sided -- all it takes is "the look" and I'm ready to go.
zandalee 20
Me too Perdix. Me too.
davincidasecond 24
#58, I really hope you're joking, because considering all the things men have to do to get women in the mood, asking for those few things is nothing.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I don't know what kind of women you have been dating, but I have never made my husband take me out or buy me gifts just to get me to have sex with him. Other than the one time that I had the flu, I have never denied him sex either. If he's in the mood, I am available. And vice versa.
perdix 31
#77, the best system is have the sex first, then go out to eat! If she gives a half-assed effort with some obviously fake orgasms, you take her to Wendy's and allow her two items off the $1 Menu and a courtesy cup of tap water. If she hit on all cylinders and sucks the chrome off your trailer hitch, you have to take her for steak and shrimp at a sit-down restaurant and get her wine from a glass bottle.
dewberry2001 25
#77 God bless your soul
BellaBelle_fml 23
So that's why I have been eating so much steak and shrimp lately…
davincidasecond 24
#77, I wasn't really speaking out of personal experience, that's why I referred to men and women in general. I've seen this go down too many times with so many of the people I've met. However, I know (and am very glad) that there are exceptions.
BellaBelle_fml 23
102 - I was referring more to 58 and 60's comments. I have seen this happen to a few couples I know as well and I don't understand it. Shouldn't you WANT to have sex with your spouse or partner? I do! Sex is much more enjoyable when you know that the other person actually wanted to have sex with you in the first place. It shouldn't be used against your spouse, male or female, as a bartering tool for getting things.
mirthfulMessiahs 21
Don't let him forget this one too easily, OP, give him a taste of his own medicine.
Reaper1984 13
Maybe he'd be more interested if you tried to involve the car next time
tuxedoandex 28
"thrust your long hard tailpipe into me, oh yes harder harder"