Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
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Top comments
laurensauren 9
It was small enough to fit in your ear AND wiggle around?
MelissaRoo2 6
Put laxatives in his food.
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Comments (154)
regan_droper 4
haha sucks for you im nore than one way that he could actuly fit it in your ear
Glambert_lover 5
This one is the top one lol.
hsRoseTyler5 14
It fit in your ear?!
ThatGuyInClass 5
Eww.. Im a guy and that still sounds weird to me...
lil_mars 1
Aw, I actually think that's pretty funny. It's her man, after all. You could've just said, "wrong hole, babe. Lower." or something like that, make him make it up to you ;)
lovebug177 21
wtf XD
LyricaSilvan 30
...why? Just...why?
Mikelbair1 14
True love
SimpleBurd 5
I only feel bad for her because of how big her ears are or the size of his dick....