Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
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Top comments
laurensauren 9
It was small enough to fit in your ear AND wiggle around?
MelissaRoo2 6
Put laxatives in his food.
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Comments (154)
JPEllis 0
Next time that happens (and it will), take your fist and firmly apply it to his crotch region.
88vivera 9
Ewwww that's gross
ThisIsMe_18 13
Lmfao. that's cute. **** in the ear!
goldengirl96 5
Well if my boyfriend/husband tried to pull something like that, even if I was sleeping, he wouldn't have a penis anymore. That is just something that should never be done.
PixieZee 8
I love what men will do with their penis'.
goose12321 11
What's the problem? As a woman you're supposed to be pro ****, not against it.
Nightowlflies 26
But in the ear? I'm pro dick for as long as it's stuck somewhere better than that.
Knightchaser27 25
It's a good thing you don't kick in your sleep or he would have been in a world of pain
stupidpplsuck 33
really? up to her ear? can you kick, involuntary, up to #your# ear? I sure as hell can't.
Bebop_fml 1
well, it's not "his version". if you think about it it is a wet WILLY...
buckdharma 38
is his nick name needle dick?
listo351 1
You must have big ears?