Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
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Top comments
laurensauren 9
It was small enough to fit in your ear AND wiggle around?
MelissaRoo2 6
Put laxatives in his food.
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Comments (154)
thebigboy155 0
Um... What the ****?
emchocolat_fml 25
Just so you know, the past of "to creep" is "crept".
mosquito19 14
thats gross yo, drippy dick
ultra_notorious 26
surprising he didn't shove it down your cockholster (your mouth)!!!
jjmiller1001 17
that's one small penis if it fit in your ear!
martini47 12
Must be a really tiny penis.....hope your proud
martini47 12
Must be a really tiny penis.....hope your proud
Solipsist 12
it seems I'm one of few women that thinks this is actually funny, it's not anything gross, it's not a stranger, I'm sure you've been near his wet penis before. An ex of mine used to sit it on my shoulder when I was laying on the lounge it was funny, it's good to have silliness in a relationship.
Clayball 14
It was bound to happen sooner or later...
theravenalmighty 9
FYL because his penis actually fits in your ear.