Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is... - FML

By J-Ro - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

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Understandable

Dangling modifier

Understanding

By fishy situation

Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 17:00

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML

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By "Boyufd"

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

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By anon. - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

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By lojo - United States

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

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By notamathematician - United States

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

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By nightmare ass

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

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By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

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By Duellist

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

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By Azcrazy - United States

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

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By conley19 - United States

Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing the tab in, she lifted it up and broke the machine, spilling slushie all over the floor. I was the only one working, so I had to clean it all up. I spent the rest of my shift covered in red slushie and smelling like cherry. FML

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By my name is sarah - United States - Midland

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

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By onefishtwofishes - United States - Washington

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML

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By JZ - New Zealand

Today, I submitted my 5000 word assignment. When I got home, my mother asked if I'd checked it through one more time like she always warned me to do. I hadn't. And I therefore hadn't noticed the paragraph on p11 that she'd written, telling me to pay attention to the small details. FML

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By Alexander - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

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By XxDiabolikalXx - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldnt have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriends excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He isn't laughing. FML

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By lilrudegirl - France

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

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By CutieBooty - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

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By Gigi - United States

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

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By recordyear - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

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By cherry - Australia

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

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By sciencetime

Today, I had environmental science class. My teacher doesn't believe humans are affecting climate change or that we should protect endangered species. He slants class discussions so now all my classmates agree with him. FML

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By okaythen - United States - Euless

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

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By aintgotnoteeth

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

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By fmlfmboyfriendah - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

A likely story...

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML

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By monkeycannon7 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

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By GuessImWalking

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

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By Lies - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

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By Karma

Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.

Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML

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By Nikki - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rhodes

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

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By Anon - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

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By hannah - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

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By TheDumper - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

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Top comments

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

COMMENTS

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

Reply

twotf | 0

#913897 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:27

he's so hot right now.

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#913901 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:30

Will has a PhD in hilarity.

Reply

iCrazie | 0

#913947 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:05

stepbrothers is the best movie ever

Reply

applesmoothiee | 2

#914364 - Thursday 4 March 2010 18:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

thrice324 | 0

#914773 - Thursday 4 March 2010 21:34

No. Way. You did not just ask that. Please go watch all his movies right now.

Reply

purplemnm | 9

#915139 - Friday 5 March 2010 0:51

Will Ferrell is the funniest mofo ever. rent Anchorman and Talledega Nights right now bitch.

Reply

_Sorry_ | 0

#918282 - Saturday 6 March 2010 6:58

Mugatu!

Reply

ednusi | 7

#4559195 - Tuesday 12 June 2012 23:03

Scotland..

By thecool444 | 0

#913696 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

it's a joke?

By Anonnamus | 0

#913699 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

Inform him that it is YOUR goal in life to own every Jonas Brothers CD ever made, and that you insist on listening to one every night while you sleep.

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#913735 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree completely. However, the OP seems to believe that it is a negative thing to own every Will Ferrell movie, so I was just offering a way she could compromise with her boyfriend.

Reply

joshhh11 | 0

#913736 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree with this guy ^

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#916581 - Friday 5 March 2010 13:51

And you, organisedchaos, apparently wouldn't recognize sarcasm if it bit you on the ass.

By aussie_girl_fml_fml | 0

#913704 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:15

wow, massive goal! that's pretty impressive!!

:l

By pepokish | 0

#913706 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

I fail to see how this warrants an "FML".

Reply

bradensfml | 0

#913775 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:51

will is the best
period
fml should never be written involving him
if you do write it it our own fault

Reply

beulah96 | 0

#1899420 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 4:44

I agree.. you'd think it be more of a FHL

By kirbcheck76 | 3

#913707 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

are you saying that's a bad thing?

By onepost_n_done | 0

#913708 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:17

Looks like we have a very judgmental girl............................

By sharmoota | 2

#913714 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

at least he has a goal! i had to break up with my ex cuz he neither know what to do! :/

By grimpow_fml | 0

#913717 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

there's nothing wrong with that

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#913985 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:31

Nothing at all, I find it a great plus for any guy

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#914205 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:03

I agree completely with this statement.

Reply

tisiphone_fml | 0

#916147 - Friday 5 March 2010 6:11

#13 said it all...