Love: Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is... - FML

By J-Ro - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

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Own it

Walk the line

Taking stock

By Matt - Australia - Tyabb

Wrong end of the stick

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Storfors

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

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By Hey, thats not math!? - United States - Sunnyside

Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

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By Shan007tjuuh - Netherlands

Today, I got up at 4:30 am, went to my job as the newspaper guy. Nobody was there to open the door, it was raining and I was freezing. I decided to wait, because I really wanted my salary. At 6 o'clock my boss opens the door and says, "Oh, it's you. Well, you're fired. We can't pay you anymore." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

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By mavrick127 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

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By longday - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

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By thechad_144 - United States

Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

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By fml9124

New urinal

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML

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By gotta_respond - United States - Piscataway

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tobyhanna

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML

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By Welcome to Florida

Psssssych!

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

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By alison89430 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

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By monsterinlaw - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

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By knuckleheadknock

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

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By StudentAbroad - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML

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By fml_forever32 - United States

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

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By MedChew - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

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By samadams42 - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

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By sadface - France

Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

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By DogLover - United States - Watertown

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

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By depressed - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

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By xacked - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

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By squeezable - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

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By truckstopworker

Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:01 - Australia

You tried

Today, my colleague was wearing a beautiful dress. I decided that I had to go over and compliment her. As I walked over, my coffee cup flew out of my hand and onto said dress. She had to go home and change, and my boss had to cover for her. FML

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By mimo - France

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

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By cahsecuel - France - Grisolles

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

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By cbrocks - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

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By kanmcdan

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML

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Top comments

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

COMMENTS

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

Reply

twotf | 0

#913897 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:27

he's so hot right now.

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#913901 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:30

Will has a PhD in hilarity.

Reply

iCrazie | 0

#913947 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:05

stepbrothers is the best movie ever

Reply

applesmoothiee | 2

#914364 - Thursday 4 March 2010 18:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

thrice324 | 0

#914773 - Thursday 4 March 2010 21:34

No. Way. You did not just ask that. Please go watch all his movies right now.

Reply

purplemnm | 9

#915139 - Friday 5 March 2010 0:51

Will Ferrell is the funniest mofo ever. rent Anchorman and Talledega Nights right now bitch.

Reply

_Sorry_ | 0

#918282 - Saturday 6 March 2010 6:58

Mugatu!

Reply

ednusi | 7

#4559195 - Tuesday 12 June 2012 23:03

Scotland..

By thecool444 | 0

#913696 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

it's a joke?

By Anonnamus | 0

#913699 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

Inform him that it is YOUR goal in life to own every Jonas Brothers CD ever made, and that you insist on listening to one every night while you sleep.

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#913735 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree completely. However, the OP seems to believe that it is a negative thing to own every Will Ferrell movie, so I was just offering a way she could compromise with her boyfriend.

Reply

joshhh11 | 0

#913736 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree with this guy ^

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#916581 - Friday 5 March 2010 13:51

And you, organisedchaos, apparently wouldn't recognize sarcasm if it bit you on the ass.

By aussie_girl_fml_fml | 0

#913704 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:15

wow, massive goal! that's pretty impressive!!

:l

By pepokish | 0

#913706 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

I fail to see how this warrants an "FML".

Reply

bradensfml | 0

#913775 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:51

will is the best
period
fml should never be written involving him
if you do write it it our own fault

Reply

beulah96 | 0

#1899420 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:44

I agree.. you'd think it be more of a FHL

By kirbcheck76 | 3

#913707 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

are you saying that's a bad thing?

By onepost_n_done | 0

#913708 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:17

Looks like we have a very judgmental girl............................

By sharmoota | 2

#913714 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

at least he has a goal! i had to break up with my ex cuz he neither know what to do! :/

By grimpow_fml | 0

#913717 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

there's nothing wrong with that

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#913985 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:31

Nothing at all, I find it a great plus for any guy

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#914205 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:03

I agree completely with this statement.

Reply

tisiphone_fml | 0

#916147 - Friday 5 March 2010 6:11

#13 said it all...