Love: Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is... - FML

By J-Ro - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Bad news

Roommate from hell

By tastetherainbow - United States - Katy

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

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By greatstartto2010 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home to find my entire video game collection and all my consoles had been stolen. Two weeks ago I brought them back from my University accommodation, specifically to stop them from being stolen while I was at home for the Christmas holiday. FML

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By good-samaritan-fail - Australia

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

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By sucker - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

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By Arachnofail - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

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By jons - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

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By farts

Today, my brother who routinely marred my life by stealing from me, fighting me, and isolating me from my own family, made his hollow AA apology to me so he'll feel better. My parents employ him, bought his car and house, and pay his insurance. I've been in poverty. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

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By brotheritachi

Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML

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By cheddar - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

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By Chris Chandler

Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

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By UngratefulBrat - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

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By younggrammy - United States

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sanford

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid witnessing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

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By

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

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By stopinthenameoflove - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

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By Pancakegirl - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

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By wouldn'tyouliketoknow

Sneaky moggie

Today, my neighbours were screaming for their "lost" cat again. I've already seen the cat multiple times. In my garden. Pissing. FML

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By nick - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

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By Ugh... - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

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By NotSoSexy - United States

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

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By chocofreak - United States

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

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By umm..WHAT?? - 22/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Pomona

Halloween came early

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up in horror to see that my 34-year-old cousin, who was spending the night, was watching me sleep. Once he noticed that I was awake, he quietly left the room. I told my mom, who then told me not to tell anyone and pretend that it never happened. FML

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By handlin - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

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By HarleyDavison - United States - Harrisonville

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

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By single - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

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By 12yearsoldapparently - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

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By jailey

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

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Top comments

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

COMMENTS

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

Reply

twotf | 0

#913897 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:27

he's so hot right now.

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#913901 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:30

Will has a PhD in hilarity.

Reply

iCrazie | 0

#913947 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:05

stepbrothers is the best movie ever

Reply

applesmoothiee | 2

#914364 - Thursday 4 March 2010 18:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

thrice324 | 0

#914773 - Thursday 4 March 2010 21:34

No. Way. You did not just ask that. Please go watch all his movies right now.

Reply

purplemnm | 9

#915139 - Friday 5 March 2010 0:51

Will Ferrell is the funniest mofo ever. rent Anchorman and Talledega Nights right now bitch.

Reply

_Sorry_ | 0

#918282 - Saturday 6 March 2010 6:58

Mugatu!

Reply

ednusi | 7

#4559195 - Tuesday 12 June 2012 23:03

Scotland..

By thecool444 | 0

#913696 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

it's a joke?

By Anonnamus | 0

#913699 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

Inform him that it is YOUR goal in life to own every Jonas Brothers CD ever made, and that you insist on listening to one every night while you sleep.

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#913735 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree completely. However, the OP seems to believe that it is a negative thing to own every Will Ferrell movie, so I was just offering a way she could compromise with her boyfriend.

Reply

joshhh11 | 0

#913736 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree with this guy ^

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#916581 - Friday 5 March 2010 13:51

And you, organisedchaos, apparently wouldn't recognize sarcasm if it bit you on the ass.

By aussie_girl_fml_fml | 0

#913704 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:15

wow, massive goal! that's pretty impressive!!

:l

By pepokish | 0

#913706 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

I fail to see how this warrants an "FML".

Reply

bradensfml | 0

#913775 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:51

will is the best
period
fml should never be written involving him
if you do write it it our own fault

Reply

beulah96 | 0

#1899420 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:44

I agree.. you'd think it be more of a FHL

By kirbcheck76 | 3

#913707 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

are you saying that's a bad thing?

By onepost_n_done | 0

#913708 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:17

Looks like we have a very judgmental girl............................

By sharmoota | 2

#913714 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

at least he has a goal! i had to break up with my ex cuz he neither know what to do! :/

By grimpow_fml | 0

#913717 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

there's nothing wrong with that

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#913985 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:31

Nothing at all, I find it a great plus for any guy

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#914205 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:03

I agree completely with this statement.

Reply

tisiphone_fml | 0

#916147 - Friday 5 March 2010 6:11

#13 said it all...