Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is... - FML

By J-Ro - 4/3/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

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Proactive

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Business savvy

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML

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By legitfile.bat.virus.exe - 20/6/2014 23:03 - United States - Placerville

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

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By CandyMachine - 16/2/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2013 17:13 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I realized the only reason I was invited to go on vacation with my extended family was so I could babysit everyone's children while the adults go out and have fun. FML

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By Sebastian20 - 8/5/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 20:13 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

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By oink401 - 5/11/2011 15:40 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend came to my house crying because the guy who she has been cheating on me with doesn't want to be with her anymore. FML

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By xoxo_retailslave420_xoxo - 21/5/2016 12:57 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

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By Tickettoride - 4/5/2013 10:24 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By argfarblewarblearble - 7/8/2015 13:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

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By very analytical - 26/6/2015 19:56 - United States - Ashland

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

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By so much for a good day - 15/7/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

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By ohshootgirl - 4/10/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

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By bthms - 31/1/2010 14:46 - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2015 21:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

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By Confused and Disgusted - 23/2/2015 23:42 - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, after having my jaw wired shut for 2 months, I finally got to eat. During the first bite of my sandwich I pulled my jaw out of place. FML

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By Amey - 4/5/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML

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By Crochocinco85 - 13/3/2014 11:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2012 17:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I replaced my car's windscreen wipers, after someone stole the last pair. After I finished, I went indoors for a drink. When I returned, the new ones had been stolen too. FML

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By ananomoose - 15/4/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

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By idiot says pussy - 21/1/2014 17:43 - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

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By Willow McGarrigle - 30/5/2020 02:00

Condom advertisement

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

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By icarlymom - 5/3/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 02:48 - United States - Encinitas

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

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By brokedad - 10/5/2013 01:41 - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

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By #201 - 5/2/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

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By fatmom - 10/4/2013 13:26 - United Kingdom - Royal Tunbridge Wells

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2020 18:00

Our house, was a very very very nice house

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

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By Shiet - 10/2/2016 04:08 - Singapore

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

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By lamb-chop - 2/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

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By Judy - 19/9/2012 23:33 - United States - Altoona

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 07:54 - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2011 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML

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By OompaLoompa - 18/6/2009 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

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By purpletulip - 21/10/2016 01:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my customer complained to me that there were no scallops in her dish when it was "clearly stated on the menu." Finally, after she ran out of breath, I had to show her that the menu said scallions. She didn't understand, screamed at me and then walked out on her bill. FML

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Top comments

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

COMMENTS

By skeleton_skinner | 0

#913692 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Ok... Will is amazing

Reply

twotf | 0

#913897 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:27

he's so hot right now.

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#913901 - Thursday 4 March 2010 14:30

Will has a PhD in hilarity.

Reply

iCrazie | 0

#913947 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:05

stepbrothers is the best movie ever

Reply

applesmoothiee | 2

#914364 - Thursday 4 March 2010 18:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

thrice324 | 0

#914773 - Thursday 4 March 2010 21:34

No. Way. You did not just ask that. Please go watch all his movies right now.

Reply

purplemnm | 9

#915139 - Friday 5 March 2010 0:51

Will Ferrell is the funniest mofo ever. rent Anchorman and Talledega Nights right now bitch.

Reply

_Sorry_ | 0

#918282 - Saturday 6 March 2010 6:58

Mugatu!

Reply

ednusi | 7

#4559195 - Tuesday 12 June 2012 23:03

Scotland..

By thecool444 | 0

#913696 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

it's a joke?

By Anonnamus | 0

#913699 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

Inform him that it is YOUR goal in life to own every Jonas Brothers CD ever made, and that you insist on listening to one every night while you sleep.

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#913735 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree completely. However, the OP seems to believe that it is a negative thing to own every Will Ferrell movie, so I was just offering a way she could compromise with her boyfriend.

Reply

joshhh11 | 0

#913736 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:33

I agree with this guy ^

Reply

Anonnamus | 0

#916581 - Friday 5 March 2010 13:51

And you, organisedchaos, apparently wouldn't recognize sarcasm if it bit you on the ass.

By aussie_girl_fml_fml | 0

#913704 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:15

wow, massive goal! that's pretty impressive!!

:l

By pepokish | 0

#913706 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

I fail to see how this warrants an "FML".

Reply

bradensfml | 0

#913775 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:51

will is the best
period
fml should never be written involving him
if you do write it it our own fault

Reply

beulah96 | 0

#1899420 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 4:44

I agree.. you'd think it be more of a FHL

By kirbcheck76 | 3

#913707 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

are you saying that's a bad thing?

By onepost_n_done | 0

#913708 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:17

Looks like we have a very judgmental girl............................

By sharmoota | 2

#913714 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

at least he has a goal! i had to break up with my ex cuz he neither know what to do! :/

By grimpow_fml | 0

#913717 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

there's nothing wrong with that

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#913985 - Thursday 4 March 2010 15:31

Nothing at all, I find it a great plus for any guy

By GYLF | 0

#913718 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:21

It's amazing how many FMLs here could easily be avoided if their OPs just had a sense of humour.

Reply

idkweird | 0

#914205 - Thursday 4 March 2010 17:03

I agree completely with this statement.

Reply

tisiphone_fml | 0

#916147 - Friday 5 March 2010 6:11

#13 said it all...