Work and School: Today, I accidentally called a student in my 10th grade English...

By Anonymous - 02/12/2017 05:00

Today, I accidentally called a student in my 10th grade English class "David" instead of "Dylan". Without thinking, I said, "I'm sorry, I just have a lot of d's in my life!". All of my students broke out in mortified laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 906

You deserved it 1 025

Work School

Mother of the year

Triage

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 530

You deserved it 2 628

Bad omens all around

By bubble wrapped girl - 13/05/2021 19:01 - United States - Medford

Today, I got into a accident at the dunes, rolling a Razor buggy. Last weekend, I sleepwalked and microwaved my phone. Last month, I gave myself third degree burns while curling my hair. I need to live in a bubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 259

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 325

By itssdianaa - 29/06/2010 03:18 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 27 815

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 16:18 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 054

You deserved it 5 229

Poor old Kermit

By FrogMyLife - 30/07/2021 14:59 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I've been single for so long, I very nearly had a wet dream about an anthropomorphic frog. A FROG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 153

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 572

You deserved it 35 226

Panic

By Distracted - 13/08/2009 12:18 - United States

Today, it was my first day at a new school. I pulled into the parking lot and saw this really cute guy. I was checking him out in my rear view mirror. When I looked ahead, there was something in the road, so I swirved real hard and took down an entire wooden fence. That something was a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 744

You deserved it 53 199

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 928

You deserved it 47 160

By spinner - 01/09/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 661

You deserved it 5 431

By WearingOff - 03/08/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 650

You deserved it 26 990

By lovelikewoe - 11/07/2010 01:00 - United States

Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to find just the right songs that would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out and threw it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 597

You deserved it 5 377

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:23 - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 819

You deserved it 4 366

8 out of 10 orthopedists

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I had a talk with my orthopedist about getting back to fitness training. However, according to her, all my favorite exercises, although taught to me by professionals, are "things one should never do" and "very very bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 83

By imeanreallytho - 11/09/2015 16:20 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work. The lock on the stall door broke, and I couldn't open it. I was all alone and I started having a mini panic attack. After several minutes of frantically trying to fix the lock and hyperventilating, I realized I could just crawl under the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 915

You deserved it 8 839

By FootFlakes - 09/04/2013 17:58 - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 921

You deserved it 4 423

By nerdygirl101 - 13/03/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 595

You deserved it 4 286

By EternalBlossom - 14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 23 896

Choking over here

By JD. - 13/04/2021 00:30

Today, I made the horrible mistake of leaving my car windows cracked while at work. Not only is the exterior yellow due to the pollen, but so is the interior. I'm not allergic, but you can feel the pollen in the back of your throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 233

By dunicha - 17/11/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 355

You deserved it 38 243

Liar, liar

By skanula414 - 31/12/2014 19:00 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 360

You deserved it 49 457

By pubquizgenius - 27/01/2010 08:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 829

You deserved it 25 303

By Duellist - 13/04/2017 02:00

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 393

You deserved it 249

By megan228 - 20/03/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 316

You deserved it 8 985

By Brady - 30/04/2013 16:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 510

You deserved it 15 026

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392

You deserved it 5 821

By Anonymous - 04/01/2010 15:49 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 225

You deserved it 7 866

Management 101

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08 - United States

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 58

By Katelyn - 20/04/2012 17:58 - United States - Folsom

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 543

You deserved it 25 115

Working conditions

By dripdripdrop - 26/01/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, it's raining at my work. Not outside, inside. Because our building's boiler broke and all the pipes are dripping with condensation. I have to sit at my desk under an umbrella to protect my laptop and desk phone. The HVAC company said, "Don't worry, this is normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 229

You deserved it 2 153

By I Have Failed - 02/04/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 069

You deserved it 6 582

By Anonymous - 03/02/2015 19:03 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 090

You deserved it 2 178

By anonymous - 07/08/2012 03:08 - Australia

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 853

You deserved it 8 136

Getting through this

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 13:01 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, just three weeks after my wife died, I received a substantial life insurance payment. Do I laugh or cry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 92

By ilikemusicokay - 08/08/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. Since I knew it would take a while, I brought my iPod in for entertainment. To bad it disabled me from hearing the continuous knocks on the door as well as the manager eventually picking the lock and busting in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 568

You deserved it 46 481

By fenris - 30/08/2016 17:36 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid runs up to me and throws up. It was a 10-hour shift, I was one hour in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 016

You deserved it 700

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 17:33 - Australia

Today, I was planning on enjoying my one day off work from the hospital, at home. I got a call saying I had to come in because my department was short-handed. I went in to find almost everyone there. Turns out it was a prank by my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 302

You deserved it 1 812

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 17:20 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 252

You deserved it 47 212

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 825

You deserved it 6 066

By SLOMan90 - 26/01/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 276

You deserved it 3 762

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Top comments

Madrias 36

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Saturday 2 December 2017 6:37

Could've shut 'me up with "Some of those 'D's are in my grade book."

TeachAllTheMath 19

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Saturday 2 December 2017 5:54

I asked a kid to grab the ball sack, you know, the mesh bag with the recess toys? I feel your pain.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 2 December 2017 5:11

Usually ladies don’t brag about that. They just enjoy their plethora of D’s ;)

Dave_Davington 33

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Saturday 2 December 2017 5:11

Live the dream, my friend. Live the dream.

marecu 13

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Saturday 2 December 2017 5:36

I mean, at least your students think you’re semi-cool now

TeachAllTheMath 19

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Saturday 2 December 2017 5:54

I asked a kid to grab the ball sack, you know, the mesh bag with the recess toys? I feel your pain.

tonyfan00 38

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Saturday 2 December 2017 6:08

I'm sure having people like Donald, Dexter, Darrell, Dan, and Dustin along with Dylan can easily get you mixed up with-- ...shit, am I getting the wrong message here?