Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the laundromat for the first time. I fit all...

By esv - 01/04/2009 09:18 - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat for the first time. I fit all of my clothes into two washers. Not knowing where to put the soap in, I asked a man doing his laundry, "Excuse me, where do I put the soap in?". He replied, "Ma'am, those are the dryers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 555

You deserved it 79 995

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Sorry…

How? Why? What?

By Momlovesme - 08/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 151

You deserved it 17 422

By vey - 08/02/2014 22:14 - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 698

You deserved it 5 229

By Liz - 26/03/2016 19:26 - United States - Torrance

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 209

You deserved it 3 573

By college0001 - 20/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 772

You deserved it 1 821

By morg2000 - 17/02/2009 23:23 - Mexico

Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 526

You deserved it 3 156

By bad_luck_chuck - 04/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 726

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 03:19 - United States - Warsaw

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 008

You deserved it 52 368

By phillyfan4life - 21/02/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 773

You deserved it 28 391

By sierra.sl31 - 28/07/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 233

By lolgarbl - 26/02/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 186

You deserved it 2 755

By a man - 10/04/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 3 871

Uncomfortable

By Jules - 09/12/2020 08:02 - Germany - Norden

Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 76

By hantavirus - 26/08/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I found out that the horrific smell coming from somewhere in my kitchen was a rotting dead mouse in my dishwasher. I have been eating off plates washed in dead-mouse water for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 825

You deserved it 11 360

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 05:44 - Canada - London

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 808

You deserved it 1 772

By Loho - 25/03/2009 02:46 - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 880

You deserved it 104 829

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 02:11 - Israel

Today, the girl who I was in love with for almost seven years listed me on facebook as her "Brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 970

You deserved it 6 439

By girly - 12/04/2012 04:06 - United States - Canton

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 526

You deserved it 52 512

By Christen - 19/02/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 344

You deserved it 36 597

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 542

You deserved it 5 239

By Anonymous - 09/09/2014 16:16 - Australia - Perth

Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 680

You deserved it 4 118

By Cindy1897 - 27/08/2017 20:00

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed and took the pain medicine that the oral surgeon prescribed for me before bed. The pain actually did go away for the most part, until my stomach decided to betray me and make me throw up, forcing my jaw to open more than it could after surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 252

By frankkathy - 26/07/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 337

You deserved it 19 361

By Tag - 07/09/2015 00:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 172

You deserved it 2 746

By toast - 25/03/2009 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 724

You deserved it 6 265

By ick - 31/07/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 613

You deserved it 60 026

By jlmbull - 29/07/2015 03:04 - United States - Lansing

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 028

You deserved it 1 850

By Former Drummer - 03/06/2012 21:23 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 072

You deserved it 4 641

By alexo - 23/05/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 2 517

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 753

You deserved it 7 764

Grindr danger

By notagain - 07/03/2020 09:01

Today, while on Grindr, I met a guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off. After chatting for a bit, I received a message from his wife, telling me I'd better leave him alone. This isn't the first time that's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 260

By Rachael - 01/07/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, as a part of my job, I took a couple around to look at houses that are on sale. After driving them around and looking at tons of houses, the wife said, "Okay. I think we have enough decorating ideas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 001

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 04:37 - Canada - Kinburn

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 516

You deserved it 10 812

By unknown - 28/05/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 04/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 659

You deserved it 2 337

Can't take my eyes off you

By silverscrescent - 22/08/2020 01:02 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was babysitting my 8-year-old niece. I left her for 10 minutes so I could take a shower, only to walk in on her with her dress rolled up, peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 384

By Anonymous - 19/12/2015 05:44

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 25 926

By Deadcat101 - 10/07/2012 23:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 1 924

Overreaction much?

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend's mum yelled at me for, "nagging Stephen to get married when he isn't ready." I mentioned marriage once. At my sister's wedding. When prompted by my grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 310

By boohoo - 04/06/2012 12:45 - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 532

You deserved it 20 968

By Bearwaitressities - 15/02/2017 21:00 - South Africa - Durban

Today, whilst working my waitressing job, I had a patron lose his rag at me because there was too much "green stuff" in his salad. What did he expect? Chicken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 195

You deserved it 419

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Top comments

sofarsogood 0

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Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:03

god i hope you aren't older than like 12

Leftieswillrule 3

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 2:16

WTF don't assume that's an industry standard, our washer is front loading

sofarsogood 0

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Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:03

god i hope you aren't older than like 12

ryguy997 0

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 3:17

washer= top loading dryer=smaller, usualy front loading.

bobnorris 0

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Tuesday 22 June 2010 18:59

are you blond?

Leftieswillrule 3

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 2:16

WTF don't assume that's an industry standard, our washer is front loading

trivel64 16

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 5:25

111, my washer loads in the front. i know its usually through the top, but there are also a lot of washers that load in the front.

Paws_Cat 29

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Friday 13 February 2015 12:36

*Blonde

kaimt 0

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Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:04

You're a smart one. Not really a FML though..

minisquid 9

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Monday 29 August 2011 8:43

Not an FML, a ripped off joke... I heard this waaaaaaaaaay back when.

Lolrus 0

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Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:05

April fools!

guitardedman 0

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Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:06

yeah not a fml...

theoldGP 0

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Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:07

it's not really that she's dumb shes just ignorant lol. =P this is still funny. #3.. shut up =/

dol567 0

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Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:08

Not very funny...it's a mistake that anyone could (and does) make. I did this a couple of weeks ago, though with my mom at home. Might be a little embarassing, though.