Miscellaneous: Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML - FML

By pmony - 02/02/2012 02:48 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 309

You deserved it 9 694

Stay safe, despite capitalism

Balls

Not the golden child

By axwound - 27/12/2009 13:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 490

You deserved it 29 151

By English_Nut117 - 30/10/2013 19:17 - Canada - Georgetown

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 560

You deserved it 15 134

By In Pain - 11/01/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 2 627

By snickerdoodles - 10/02/2010 21:19 - United States

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 5 990

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 86

Help

By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 442

You deserved it 19 731

Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 14:00

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 306

By AllyCat - 07/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 990

You deserved it 5 493

In flagrante delicto

By Matasha - 19/04/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 96

By nekal - 21/09/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 884

You deserved it 3 624

By Anonymous - 17/01/2010 13:44 - United States

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 096

You deserved it 2 702

By Autocorrected - 04/03/2012 05:02 - Philippines

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 593

You deserved it 31 352

By jeoak - 30/01/2013 17:25 - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 487

You deserved it 2 246

By Angus - 17/09/2015 19:48 - France

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 889

You deserved it 2 645

By UltraHoe69 - 06/01/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 094

You deserved it 4 392

Sign your name across my…?

By bitchonia - 28/03/2020 17:00 - Canada

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 1 483

Glassed

By Rick - 01/07/2011 08:31 - United States

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 597

You deserved it 2 493

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 361

You deserved it 3 024

By wsumt - 29/01/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 868

You deserved it 30 354

By Justmyluck - 21/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Bloomsburg

Today, after a week of no side effects, my bronchitis medication decided to screw me over. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and half of my face is sunburnt in randomized patches. Guess who has a huge presentation today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 513

You deserved it 154

By me - 14/04/2016 17:33 - United States - Katy

Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 615

You deserved it 5 917

Wakey wakey

By fuuuuck - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 301

You deserved it 25 125

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:08 - United States - Redding

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 122

You deserved it 3 858

By married to a bipedal husky - 12/07/2016 21:52 - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 398

You deserved it 1 197

Metal music

By Oopsydaisy31 - 03/01/2020 03:00

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 4 500

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman said, "Nice dog!" Without thinking, I replied, "You too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 263

You deserved it 44 804

By Anonymous - 06/09/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 865

You deserved it 20 440

Truth

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 128

By fstfckd - 07/06/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 15 081

By Anonymous - 10/10/2013 05:25 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 350

You deserved it 3 204

By kebaby - 19/06/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 918

You deserved it 48 106

By feelthelove - 02/11/2009 18:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 474

You deserved it 5 559

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

By DontSniffMyHair - 07/07/2021 06:01

Today, while sitting on the bus the man sitting slightly above and behind me leaned over my seat. All I heard was someone deeply inhaling in to my hair. I turned around and slapped him. Everyone saw what he did, but no one defended me while I was being thrown off the bus for assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 226

By anonymous198913 - 04/02/2017 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 014

You deserved it 685

Just no!

By W…… - 04/09/2021 05:01

Today, after I just bought a house that is pretty good and suits all our needs for space, my in-laws moved in because they ran into financial troubles. Guess who is stuck with all the extra expenditures? FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 067

You deserved it 37 272

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 353

You deserved it 10 610

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 685

You deserved it 5 885

By anon - 30/08/2015 18:44 - United States

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 369

You deserved it 1 993

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 08:21 - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 857

You deserved it 5 544

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

TheRealBruce 12

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:37

Oh noo! How did you manage that one? Are you one of those people who accidentally locks their keys outside of the car?

flockz 19

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:39

this is my secondary reason for always having a small bottle of lube on me at all times.

Comments

TheRealBruce 12

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:37

Oh noo! How did you manage that one? Are you one of those people who accidentally locks their keys outside of the car?

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:58

Oh Peter is a silly bastard.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 9:19

I love the way I can hear his voice in my head 1#

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 9:37

18- I know right? Lol

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 9:49

I was thinking that it was one of those revolving doors with a grille on one side to prevent people from going back? My subway station has it so people don't sneak in without paying.

freakinglaugher 10

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 13:00

Heard Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. Should of asked him to help.

hellbilly205 17

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 19:54

I've never been inside these revovling doors you speak of, but i heard they were pretty tricky...

rosesareblue15 0

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 22:54

Actually, I've been to a hotel that had an automatic revolving door (as in, it turned constantly), and apparently if you pushed it because it was so slow, it would pause where it was.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 1:30

This reminded me of a bieber encounter with one of those doors! Hahaha... Oh good times!

Send a private message

Saturday 4 February 2012 18:12

You spin me right around baby! Right around!

Send a private message

Thursday 6 September 2012 3:44

Had a hard time clicking on this one...

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:37

Well at least you can't die in a room with no corners...

GovernorGeneral 8

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 9:52

What do you mean to say?

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 17:15

Actually my uncle got stuck in a revolving door and died inside of it. Had a heart attack.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 18:50

51- I guess it drove him...... round the bend.

93til 1

Send a private message

Thursday 9 February 2012 8:13

At least he wasn't shot in it like in The Godfather.

InfamousRaider 15

Send a private message

Saturday 29 June 2013 4:09

@58 why are you such an ass

harrystylesfan69 5

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:39

DARN THESE BIG FINGERS..took me forever to click on this fml

flockz 19

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:39

this is my secondary reason for always having a small bottle of lube on me at all times.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:53

Oh, you.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 9:21

What you gonna do 4 shag the door?

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 11:44

Is the first reason buttsecks?

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:42

They just never seem to end no matter how far you go, right?

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:44

That's ridiculous.

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 2:32

Nice rack ^ HaHa

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 5:55

I didn't even see what was said:( Disappointment. Ha.

BarDownDaily 12

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 7:02

Judging from his profile pic and the one you have. Something about those tits.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:49

I've seen someone's hand wedge between the wall, when someone else tried to push the door around the first persons flesh started to separate, the screaming was intense but the second person continued pushing, the first persons wails finally stopped the second person from pushing. The blood was dribbling onto the floor like the hot wax of a red candle rushing down the candle. I still, even now, several years later wake up in a hot sweat.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:51

Thank you for sharing.

flockz 19

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 9:01

maybe you should see someone about that, brah.

DontClickOnMe 28

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 9:22

Cool story, bro. Tell it again!

MustangGirl72 9

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 10:32

You are deeply disturbed. I suggest some professional help.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 12:44

Hope that was worth the effort.

Colonel_Lexi 18

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 15:18

Disturbing story is disturbing.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 16:39

I think you need to tone it down, or call DocBastard.

JayJavaMonsterr 10

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 3:40

...And now I'm going to have nightmares...Vivid, disturbing nightmares... Thanks a bunch -.-

heygirlie777 21

Send a private message

Sunday 26 August 2012 17:51

7- lol what.

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:49

This made me laugh at an inappropriate time, so thank you and fml..

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 19:15

Well that sucks... Fyl

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 20:53

Definitely, nothing is worse when you're in room with some serious tension and you just crack a smile and chuckle all to yourself.. I got some dirty looks -_-

Send a private message

Friday 3 February 2012 3:42

Haha.. I have done that when me and my sis were fighting

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:50

I wonder how...like did the door just stop turning or what?

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 15:44

That would be the most logical explanation...

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 8:51

What has today's society become.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Send a private message

Thursday 2 February 2012 18:52

A bunch of dumbasses

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 63

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 213