Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
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Top comments
dudeitsdanny 10
She sniffed your sweaty crotch to see if you cheated? She took that chance? That's seriously psychotic. Nothing grosser than sweaty junk. Run, dude. Run before she picks up your scent! You'll never lose her once she does!
GingerFro 0
fyl she's got issues
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Comments (459)
apegirl907 0
gross. but maybe u shouldn't be acting so suspicious.
cpatrick820 3
...wait, what? How is going to the gym suspicious? I feel that you too may be a crazy jealous girl...
kingpaco 0
You should have smacked her across the face with it!
lindseyluvszac 4
Ah, nothing beats the stench of a sweaty dick :)
dreamering 16
**** a cow and let her guess the smell.
Flyboy_86 0
get hereto taste it in future
cass85 8
Get out of that relationship now. Long term happiness never happens where one partner is so overly paranoid - its the thing you think you can live with but then eats away at you and makes you feel like an awful person and makes you resent them. Seriously, you'll be doing her a huge favour - she needs to learn, whatever her ******* issues or past traumas are (everyone has a bloody sob story. Don't get sucked in) that she can't go punishing innocent men as if they were whatever person it was that originally let her down. It isn't healthy, it isn;t cool. Get rid of her, find someone that's going to let you out of their sight and let her learn that insecurity is never, ever a reason to treat another person badly and make them, intentionally or unintenionally, hate themselves for your issues. Get rid of the girl. No good will come from staying.
kindlystfupls 0
why would someone vote this negatively? it's completely right.
0opsie 6
It was probably one of those girls who assume the OP did something to deserve it.
ReynshineCutting 10
So everyone should break up with someone the second their partner has an issue? Why not work on it? Why not try to help your partner through it. This whole "up and leave whenever there's a problem" attitude is one reason why the divorce rate is so outrageous. People are too selfish nowadays and only want me me me and not us us us. People need to work on things and not just up and leave because the relationship isn't rainbows and glitter 24/7.
sabrinahusic 0
255 you are absolutely right. And honestly I don't trust anything with a penis 100%.
KTMnutJOB 0
I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and don't die
GingerFro 0
I'm with 339 on that one!
richcranium 0
it's always the guilty ones who are concerned and pointing fingers
aloha31 6
u need a new gf ASAP
effarve 2
you either cheated on her in the past, or you are entirely pussy whipped... id get a new bitch personally.
ksowders 0
next time shove her head in and tell her to motor boat it
ericb8272 2
you look like penny on the big bang theory. also I've never heard of motorboating a guys junk. I'm gonna get my wife to do that tonight