Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelled my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
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Top comments
dudeitsdanny 10
She sniffed your sweaty crotch to see if you cheated? She took that chance? That's seriously psychotic. Nothing grosser than sweaty junk. Run, dude. Run before she picks up your scent! You'll never lose her once she does!
GingerFro 0
fyl she's got issues
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Comments (459)
schwingy 0
she sniffed ur dick?! that's out there dude
lalalaha 0
maybe you gave her a reason to think you were cheating on her. possibly you could've done it in the past and because of that you've given her trust issues.
berryblue 0
this chick is weird! r u sure you want to have to deal with time you go? come on... serious trust issues if she has to smell ur balls
Lisa89 3
Look, I don't know if you've given reason for her to suspect you or that she is a total nut job but from what I know (which is only this FML) this sounds like you SHOULD NOT continue such a relationship. It sounds terrible and you both need to suck it up and get out of it.
sparkles0103 4
If you haven't cheated in the past I would make sure to start watching her...normally the one who is paranoid is the one cheating.
NurseNasty 12
I'm surprised the Vocabulary Gestapo hasn't called OP on 'smelt'.
at1325 0
she's obviously been hurt before. I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me most of our relationship, I've been made a fool of because it went on for several months and I ignored my instincts thinking I was just paranoid. she must have had something similar happen to her and can't bear for it to happen again. I had trust issues before this past cheating boyfriend and right now it feels like I'll never trust anyone again
perdix 31
So, when you DO cheat, don't wear a condom. Problem solved. When you say you're going to the gym, you've given yourself a great excuse to take a shower. Just make sure you thoroughly wash the other woman's *****-goo off before you go home.
CallMeHush 1
Say Honey... While you are down there.
metallicshadow 16
shoulda made her suck it while she was down there