By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 16:21 - United Kingdom

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks 72 608
You deserved it 7 990

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

EllieB123 5

Wow, what a bitch! :/

Tell her "I don't mind, I'm fucking 2 other girls."

Comments

haha dude that sucks

squishy01 0

She made short work of his relationship.

Idonebeenhad 17

She probably gets more pleasure from fingering herself than when you have sex with her.

I hope you broke up with her..

Hide_Yo_Kids 0

^what good will that do? obviously he sit gnna get much if he's that much a disappointment..at least she stuck around with you for a while OP

Hide_Yo_Kids 0

*ain't

I hope OP doesn't have any IRL friends here.....

Get the toys out

Don't be a jerk -.-

yay! how considerate of you:)

titantacochop 0

you should chop her so hard in the taco she never gets tight again and dump her

Macromartyr 3

That's what pylons are for

littlemissFYL 5

this is only an FML if your stupid enough to stay with her bro.

tweetbaby14 18

YDI for not buying the penis salve, baddy.

#7...I see what you did there.

More space! for me! let's go to space!!

153, while thats true, you go faster in a speedboat then you do in a canoe

One more portal 2 reference from you and you're out of here!

a girl can only take so many inches anyways.. big penises aren't worth a girls time and pain.. I don't understand why guys always wanna have the "bigger penis".

MissFukMyLuck 0

153- I'm happy to think there are people out there that TRULY believe that, but tell me what you think when you start having sex.

fist that bitch!

canttouchthis90 0

good one

i have decided to thumbs down everything notfunnii says until she can spell the word "and".

time to answer those penis enlargement junk emails!

I'm not sure why a girl would want you to go as fast like a speedboat when rowing a canoe takes coordination and rhythm.

Yung23 0

wow your beautiful

Slhruman 4

Bet he is a white boy, lol. Never heard this one for a brother

198 - It depends on the guy I'm sure, but if a big-dicked guy thinks his endowment is a sure ticket to good sex, then he's not gonna bother with technique, is he? There's a whole lot more to sex than inserting tab A into slot B. There's only so much you can do with a pinky finger but within normal ranges, size is not important.

34 if that's actually you in your picture, you're a babe. that is all

bullets are faster than both!

303 why would you stick a bullet in there?

daaanielle14 0

dump her!!

@157 Ahh, but a canoe is longer than a speedboat. just not girthier.

tell her u dont care shes lacking in the beauty department cuz that means u can still show ur appreciation to ur next gf

67- Holy sex. Your profile pic? Success.

EllieB123 5

Wow, what a bitch! :/

xk75 4

eh the op is probably one of those guys who says things like "are you sure you can HANDLE THIS?" and his gf got tired of just nodding politely while smirking inside.

nmp1026 0

what's op???!?!

Oversized Penis tehe

Wow, 9 changed my opinion on this subject. First I wanted to post "She deserves to be your ex" or something like that, because she's a real bitch. FHL. But, it could be that OP always act like a true monstercockmacho and that she was tired of his bullcrap and made a mean comment. In that case, it could be a YDI. That being said, it still is an incredibly mean thing to say. It's not only a personal attack on OP's physics and on the sexual pleasure, it also implies their relationship will not last.

alaaparis 4

original poster

I thought what she said was hilarious and heart- warmingly honest. I'm still lmao about it right now.

OP you should start learning to pleasure her or someone else (if you break up with her) with your tongue or fingers (or sex toys?) so this way you won't have the same problem in your next relationship. That aside - Hahahahaha!

If she were a *ho and spent a leisurely afternoon on the corner I doubt she would be worried about still being tight after kicking OP to the curb.

ckyorelse 18

yeah 53 I would hate it if someone attacked my physics

#9s got a point

ImThePope 2

I like the way you think #9, I know I joke around like that a lot, but everyone should know when to stop. So yes, if OP over did it, then he really deserved this. On top of that she could have been in a really bad mood and wanted a proper orgasm, and he gave her no foreplay. That would suck and make her really mad and then more than likely cause her to go off on his dick size.. hah, now I don't feel so bad for OP... even though it always hurts a little inside when a girl you get in bed with says you have a small dick haha

Quagmire_ladies 9

lmao nice !

OR he's a guy who was born with an unfortunate penis size and she's a skank. Stop theorizing based on information that's not there.

2 inches of mayhem and fury. Hey op just tear up the sides, and tell your girlfriend it's small but flavorful hahaha

OP=Original Poster

xk75 4

169 - we're all theorizing, including you. you theorize that the op is a decent guy who did not deserve to have his ego shredded by this "skank." you theorized that the gf could not possibly have a reason to say what she said. In my theory, it is the gf, not the op, who gets the benefit of the doubt. I theorize that she would not say such a mean thing without provocation. I theorize that the op was in dire need of an attitude adjustment.

So why didn't someone call John Cena?

wow, what a hoe

Damn dirty hoes. Working the corner is ruining their relationshit*

what's up u crazy Russian girl

simonsp 4

Original Poster

monstercockmacho is my new favorite compound word.

hey msg me cutie :)

Why does everyone have to call her a hoe? Sure it was terrible to say but you don't know the situation -OP could have been a major doucher.

notstarboard 0

He'd make the op feel like a stud...

fadedflyer16 0

hey:)

Huzzy11 0

ur fit

lilclare 0

well damn.

ImaWiseGuy 5

haha, gotta give it to the op's gf for finding a "little" good out of your "little" problem.....

trixy81 10

haha I see what you did there ;)

ImaWiseGuy 5

haha, well at least somebody did...^

germanottapearl 0

ouch

Yung23 0

uhh lilclaire I'ma have to ask you to remove your pic Lmfao

RookiePyro 0

Wow, you should pretty much just dump her immediately. Or use her for sex like she's temporarily doing with you

This guy has got it all figured out.

amanna7 0

you all obv can't get that girl in ur pic back an u wanna talk about usen someone for sex don't play around like u kno what that's like k

289. you fucking faliure. he never said he had sex before. also why jump down his throat? he didnt say anything bad. he said to use her because of the horrible remark she made to OP. so stop being extremely immature and ignorant

My add-on to 328's comment: Also, learn to type and spell so that you don't look so god damn incompetent. I hate Grammar Nazis, but REALLY? What the fuck, man. What. The Fuck.

whoop that trick and kick her to the curb, the dirty ho!!!

Before he does that he should shove the biggest dildo he can (preferably the spiky one from Metalocalypse) into her, thus making her comment invalid.

callofduty4life 0

women are bitches.

You must be lonely/gay if you really believe that.

point and case

Idonebeenhad 17

either #12 just looks like a bird, or she did a really shitty job at photoshopping that pic

If you go around calling women bitches they're not going to want to be with you. It's common sense.

bitch get in my car

looks like you're "short" on the uptake :D

Fx13mz 7

Boooooo!

dude cmon thats not very nice to say.

dick move dude!!!

Hire someone to give her numerous STD's.

well noboby deserves that.

I know a few people who do.

But wouldn't he get them also...

Only if he's dumb enough to keep banging her afterwards. Which he shouldn't do, after hiring said go to do said act, publically humiliate her with giving out pictures of her disfigured genitalia.

Ahh I see, I like the way you think.

you can do that to someone? I need a number for someone that would do that....

littlemissFYL 5

wow, you all must have some fucked up people in your life if you actually wish for someone to get an STD, forreal. you're such a cock.

Can you be a bit more respectful to my species, please. Us Cockerel aren't that bad that you need to use us as a bad example.

mynda1250 0

lmfao #16

forget the stds wear a spiked condom

Noob30 0

Or inject her with Heroine in her sleep. Perfect solution.

flickyourbic1223 7

181 I believe you mean heroin. And all that might do is take away her caugh and her sex drive. So I've heard.....

That's not even funny - it's just straight up fucked.

Yeah. I mean I wouldn't do it. But he might.

Forreal I deserve an std

Tell her "I don't mind, I'm fucking 2 other girls."

briskyourself94 3

*metaphorical like*

never fails to get the ladies in bed

what a slag, tell her it's just small cause she doesn't really make it get any bigger.

Or he could tell her that maybe she's just loose from being a slut :D