Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML
Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
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Top comments
Diabeetus 0
Perfect reply for these situations. "It varies in size depending on how hot the girl is."
captcool024 0
haha.. stupid bitch.. hot dog down a hallway at this point.. dont worry bro she says it to everybody, because her boyfriend is a giant *****.
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Comments (75)
CZWolf 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you deserved that one. Check if your girls have boyfriends first.
LunaaBluee 27
Not sure how he deserved that considering the girl is an unfaithful ****.
captcool024 0
haha.. stupid bitch.. hot dog down a hallway at this point.. dont worry bro she says it to everybody, because her boyfriend is a giant *****.
Pg11 0
win
withered 30
Except that is not how vaginas work. It's on the same level as saying "Oooh I dare not exercise! My arms might get floppy and sag!".
Diabeetus 0
Perfect reply for these situations. "It varies in size depending on how hot the girl is."
genius_man16 0
hahahahaha my hero :P but really, that girl is a sluuuuut. I'd tell her boyfriend also, just to show her :P
Eddie_Paints 0
Yeah she's a *****! If I were you I'd go get checked out medically!!
luigima 0
why is is that a girl who sleeps around is always a **** but the guy is just having fun? you probably deserved this. *****.
littlericht 3
Yeah tell her boyfriend that you boned her and she was like a bucket. That will **** there relationship up lol. And also say that you think I've given her scabies that would scare them both lol!
drewcat21 0
Shut up. Either way it's disrespectful and disgusting.
xximikeixx 8
Here goes. A door (girl), that opens to every key is useless and trash. A key (boys), that open every door is the master key. Any more questions?
teentee401 36
If a guy sleeps around, he's a man-*****. If a girl does it she's a ****. Any questions?
SixthSinEnvy 39
Right. Cause men can't be ****** too. It's still gross no matter what gender does it.
withered 30
Such original and accurate description. Here goes. Would you rather eat a yogurt with a spoon that was dipped in 10 yogurts and 10 mouths or would you like a fresh one? Any more questions? Hurr durr, now I proved men get "used" by having sex and are worth less the more partners they have.
runmymouth 0
WOW.
youhavenoidea 0
wow thats wonderful you prolly feel like a real stud
McZeal 0
the only important thing is that you got some
Cre6rul 0
don't complain you just had sex.
badluckross 21
The correct term according to The Lonely Island and Akon is: Doesn't matter had sex.
Levicicus 6
“She made me wear a bag on my head. Doesn’t matter, had sex!”
ill 0
should ask her why she dates someone so stupid that they can't use such a big hog and drive their girlfriend to go after normal sized sausage?
EmoPotato 3
Contrary to popular belief, the bigger the guy is the more it hurts and can be rather unpleasant and completely unenjoyable, that is if your tight enough.
inlimbo11 0
this is obviously very true...
jsmith1199 4
1. Kick her square in the nuts. Yeah, u heard me. 2. Get her boyfriend's number, call him and tell him what a ***** she is 3. Knock her out 4. Pat yourself on the back for getting laid