Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
imortal20 0
and you're complaining about being stuck with your incredibly horny girlfriend, who apparently is ready to spread her legs to you at a moments notice? ungrateful prick... :D
mergo44 1
ddr
massacreman3000 1
your obviously one of the lucky womeb, he doesnt deserve this just because you have an easily pleased bit, not all women have the ability
siouxsie0987 0
Ask her what would get her off. Idk...I find it hard to believe that this is the first time she's mentioned it pissing her off that she doesn't get off. And you know what? I don't blame her. FINE...sometimes it's harder to make girls ****** than guys, but it is *really* annoying when I guy does his thing...and then just falls asleep. it's like "Dude...come ooooonnnnn....so. horny" *ahem* ANYWAY...yeah, ask her what she likes/doesn't like/where to touch her...maybe get her to show you how she gets herself off? Then copy ^_^
lmao523 0
lots of forplay!!!
xdust 4
than give her one!
Juggalette_623 9
I modded this. There was more to it. It said he had been trying to get the keys back for 3 weeks and has been failing horribly. Poor guy.
Im_just_lost 2
than wats d problem give her ****** or call me !
Tantalum 1
Time to get a new car.
alexFYL 11
Wow. You suck. Time to give her up to someone who actually knows what he's doing.