Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
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Comments (274)
tonloc14 0
quit being a bitch and hit that if u wont i will
raven02 0
lol that was hilarious
66mustangrocks 4
dude how is that a fml? id love to give my gf one ;)
raven02 0
il get ur keys 4 u..u know I just might take ur car 2
SilverGiraffe 5
They're in her "no no" area ;D
Egnar 19
We can all be harsh on the OP saying things like "Be a real man" but the truth is that some girls are just harder to make ****** than others. I remember one girl I dated really liked to ****** and wanted it, but, she was so uptight and nervous/scared about having one when the time finally came [don't know her reasoning] that it was almost impossible to make it happen. Another more recent girl loved sex a lot, but, just too forever to get to that point. However, my most recent ex, I could get her halfway there just by touching her nipple. The point is that it's just like guys and their sexual stamina - Some guys can last for days. . .Other we refer to as minute warriors. In this situation, even though I'm sure you love sex, the best option in my opinion is to tell her you won't play her games and if she wants to have sex she needs to treat you with respect. If you give in she'll see that you're easily persuaded by her body [even if you're not] and continue to play bullshit games with you in the long run.
sydneynadiabibi 0
thanks for your life story man .
kjm28 0
i don't understand how this is an fml unless ur gay!?!? if my girl did that I would b happy! I definitely wouldn't say fml
Egnar 19
You'd be happy your girlfriend is treating you like her property?. . .Sure you might be happy you're getting sex but in the end what is really going on is you're letting somebody control you. It's an FML for anyone who doesn't have their brain in their dick.
Vaesive 0
Hot. I know where I'd look for em.... ;P
twizzy21 0
i wouldnt be complaining if i was u
tameka17 0
smart girl! :)