Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML
Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (274)
msbosslady 0
Why doesn't she take matters into her own hands? He obviously doesn't know what he's doing, she needs to teach him! Now if the problem is that he's a quick one....well that's a completely different issue.... **** ring?
LukeNukem_fml 3
well someone's gonna have his hands full.
Zombieslayer1 0
There is such a thing as immaturity, and she is showing it right here. Did you have someplace you had to go? Is that why she stole the car keys and not something else? If you didn't though....you showed a little bit of slowness there. The girl wants ******* and your FMLing it!? Did you end up mounting her in the end?
BlackR6Rider 5
best excuse to have sex all day ever!!! jus deliberately don't give her one and screw like use never screwed before!!!! unless.... u jus really can't give her one.... lol
ncgirl88 0
You deserve that! Every woman needs those and men usually don't know what they're doing
Calyx_fml 22
There's one way you can get your keys back lickety split...
varkey 7
i don't get why there are so many YDI's, it's unfair of her to steal something of yours and for all the retards that are like "now you can have sex all the time that's awesome!!!1" maybe he doesn't want to do that? just a thought
trisdong 0
alphabet and u get your keys in 2 min!!!
MandaMazing 0
is thatt really thatt unfortunate.?
sl21 0
umm isn't that a win?