Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After...

By Mmm - 25/7/2015 10:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Boozehound

Caught red-handed

By smoothies14 - 6/11/2015 17:29 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

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By "cowboy_gold " - 25/1/2020 05:00

Don't ignore neighbor

Today, I came back to my dorm only to find the noise of my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was talking in my head when I said at least do it against the other wall. But, when I was leaving later, he walked by apologizing and said that he thought that I was not there, then promised to do more quietly next time. FML

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By ashley_skillz06 - 24/1/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

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By coffeewench - 22/8/2017 04:29

Today, while I was reading in a park, a drunk bum started talking to me. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, he said, "You're really pretty, and you have nice eyes, but you have chubby cheeks. What's up with that? Did you eat a lot of peanuts when you were a kid or something?" FML

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By Dani - 5/12/2014 21:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

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By yvon la moto - 6/11/2015 10:26 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML

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By hyper12332 - 29/4/2009 14:35 - Australia

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

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By Shady_Soldier - 31/10/2013 08:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

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By Nikki - 2/2/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

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By jena - 22/8/2018 22:00

EMERGENCY

Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 01:30

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

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By unproud - 15/11/2013 07:05 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

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By shh - 9/10/2015 07:06 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

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By moe - 15/2/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

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By lmaofuck - 26/5/2016 01:06 - United States - Westerville

Today, I had a guest at my house. I stood up to shake her hand and kiss her on both cheeks, which is common in my culture. When she was kissing my cheeks, I went the opposite way from her and I ended up kissing her on the lips instead. Her eyes went big and I ran away. FML

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By Lackadaisical - 15/1/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

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By Jamie - 20/9/2013 00:47 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

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By AloneAgainNaturally - 9/9/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2013 18:12 - United States - Tustin

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

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By Foolish - 18/7/2016 06:51 - United States - Los Altos

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend one last chance at fixing our failing relationship. Instead of talking about how to fix our dying relationship, he decided to game all day and ignore me. FML

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By goingdownhillfast - 12/4/2017 02:00

Today, after getting her "out-of-office" email, I realized that my coworker is on vacation this week. We're doing our final presentation for a major project on Thursday, and she hasn't finished her part. I guess I won't be sleeping this week. FML

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By FML - 15/5/2012 19:02 - Finland

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 23:00

Forever alone, episode 7864

Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML

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By DudeManBro69 - 1/5/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

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By Not true - 18/7/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2015 06:59 - United States - Wittenberg

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

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By ugly - 31/8/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

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By Misterhippo - 2/9/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 09:57 - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2011 09:30 - Australia

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

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By anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:40 - France

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

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By beeee - 26/7/2010 04:03 - Australia

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year old I had to deal with. FML

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By Jimii Liu - 11/3/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

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By PickedOff - 27/4/2012 08:22 - United States

Far out, man

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

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By I.Want.Food. - 19/1/2014 23:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching Ratatouille. Piece of advice for starving students: never watch it when you've only eaten two apples in two days, or you'll find yourself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of a fucking rat. FML

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By say my name - 1/7/2012 01:35

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

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By Eddie - 7/8/2011 19:43 - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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By mylifesucks - 26/3/2011 07:05

Today, I laid in bed all night texting my drunk boyfriend and drunk best friend. They were at two different parties, neither of which I was invited to. FML

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Top comments

By FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6361853 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:24

Just a quick question, did you guys actually read the box? Seems like that would've cleared up a lot of confusion.

By cat4651 | 15

#6361846 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:21

But...is she pregnant?

Comments

By zAstonish | 20

#6361845 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:21

Well, all your girlfriend did when she used it was egg you on. This one's on her.

Nessco | 36

#6361872 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:59

I really hope your girlfriend is not pregnant.

cluch3 | 22

#6361883 - Sunday 26 July 2015 13:33

Whay if they wanted a child? Do you want to deny them the love and joy of a small child?

Jowisee | 29

#6361940 - Sunday 26 July 2015 14:52

Did no one else get the "egg" pun here??

mads_nicole | 19

#6361943 - Sunday 26 July 2015 14:58

Yes, it just wasn't funny.

By cat4651 | 15

#6361846 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:21

But...is she pregnant?

Ms_ValS | 27

#6361881 - Sunday 26 July 2015 13:30

OP please do reproduce multiple times with this woman.

By FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6361853 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:24

Just a quick question, did you guys actually read the box? Seems like that would've cleared up a lot of confusion.

DoomSkuller | 28

#6362038 - Sunday 26 July 2015 17:34

And there's usually an instruction paper inside the box, isn't there?

Eliiara | 11

#6362063 - Sunday 26 July 2015 18:26

Seriously. Usually it says like "ovulation tracker" in big words on the outside of the box.

By skippydoda | 32

#6361854 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:25

I realize that there are usually shelved in the same place. However, they are clearly labeled, only takes a second to check if you're getting the right box.

whysobeachy | 37

#6362086 - Sunday 26 July 2015 18:53

OP was probably too worried to notice what the box said. I really don't blame him.

By Geckosrock99 | 33

#6361856 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:27

Always read the box before buying, OP. Less confusion, and some places like to charge more than necessary for those kinds of things.

MandieL | 27

#6361914 - Sunday 26 July 2015 14:16

Most ovulation kits come with more than one test because they want you to test yourself for 7+ days for best results, so ovulation tests are way more expensive than pregnancy tests.

ford_chick_22 | 12

#6361942 - Sunday 26 July 2015 14:54

Pregnancy tests come in packs of 3 or 5...it's not just ovulation tests that come in packs

MandieL | 27

#6362064 - Sunday 26 July 2015 18:27

The most I've ever seen in a pregnancy test pack is 2. I wish I had larger packs where I am, save in bulk :)

By Honest_Guy | 10

#6361863 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:35

Just go get another test, this time a pregnancy one

By TheDog6 | 24

#6361864 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:35

So... Pick out any names yet?

Econforthwin | 15

#6361956 - Sunday 26 July 2015 15:58

How about Byron as in I be Byron the wrong test.

By arrowgold | 19

#6361867 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:39

Ouch like mentioned those are more expensive than the pregnancy ones so that sucks. It can be easy to get confused, but reading the box would have saved you the trouble.

By Alicimo | 11

#6361868 - Sunday 26 July 2015 12:41

Me and my boyfriend have done this OP don't feel bad it's a mistake x

Morning_fml | 22

#6362175 - Sunday 26 July 2015 19:45

Yeah but it's a pretty stupid one so he should feel bad.

By usnwife | 18

#6361879 - Sunday 26 July 2015 13:27

Well, if it came back positive you know she isnt pregnant... I suggest paying more attention at the store next time OP!