Corporate ass

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 17:02

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 186

Our house, in the middle of our street

One-sided

Great question

Cleanliness is next to someone else

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 15:00

Today, we got new seats in my English class; I was seated next to a boy that I don't know very well. When I sat down, he informed me that he is "opposed" to brushing his teeth. I thought he was kidding. Then he started breathing with his mouth open. These are our seats for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 98

By homeless - 14/12/2010 18:41 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 8 843

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 619

You deserved it 8 682

By Anonymous - 18/09/2013 14:57 - United States

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 603

You deserved it 3 213

By Anonymous - 30/08/2018 23:30

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 378

By LuvShawn - 27/02/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 335

You deserved it 67 334

By Anonymous - 29/07/2015 12:04 - United States - Camden

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 721

You deserved it 2 544

By YipYop - 20/01/2016 04:06 - United States - Brandon

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 758

You deserved it 1 911

Knock out

By Anonymous - 25/02/2020 14:00

Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 326

By FlorenceD - 12/08/2012 04:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 418

You deserved it 10 806

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 25 963

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 041

You deserved it 1 865

By xmeatballx21 - 03/06/2011 09:57 - United States

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 325

You deserved it 3 374

Worth it

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 22:58

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 65

By Gregory - 28/11/2008 10:28 - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 375

You deserved it 6 317

Neighbours from hell

By Anonymous - 01/05/2012 19:51 - Canada - Oakville

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 004

You deserved it 1 994

By SoMuchForThatIdea - 12/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 865

By cheshirealyce - 05/03/2015 17:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 531

You deserved it 2 806

Not so normal, no

By grossedoutgirlfriend - 04/10/2019 14:00

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 186

You deserved it 309

By Helmet - 20/10/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 042

You deserved it 8 968

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 885

You deserved it 7 624

By twelvie - 23/03/2015 14:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 757

You deserved it 2 895

By Disrespectful - 18/01/2017 09:01

Today, my boss fired me for "disrespecting" him after I told him to fuck off. This would be understandable, if I hadn't said it when he was at my house for dinner, harassing my wife with suggestive poses, heavily implied comments, and trying to put his hand on her crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 107

You deserved it 873

On deaf ears

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had breakfast with my roommate and he was so loud, my ears felt ready to burst. If I even suggest he needs his hearing checked, he erupts like Mt. Vesuvius. Everyone agrees, he has no "inside voice" and they don't know how to handle his near-shouting to your face either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 61

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 364

Tiler, the creator

By musicalxtheories - 09/05/2020 08:00

Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 256

By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - 23/03/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 790

You deserved it 9 472

Dad, stop driving my car

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 00:01 - Puerto Rico - Aguas Buenas

Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 11/07/2016 07:58 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 305

You deserved it 3 532

By sparkrok - 06/03/2014 00:36 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 18 697

By beaten - 13/09/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 271

You deserved it 14 101

By StuckInCollegeLimbo - 30/08/2017 19:30 - United States - Riverside

Today, after going through months of registration and orientation to transfer to a university, I was told that my application was denied because I didn't meet the minimum credit requirement. You couldn't tell me this before? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 552

You deserved it 322

By CWoah - 14/09/2009 15:17 - Canada

Today, it was my court date for a car accident I was involved in back in July. I had spent months preparing a case to prove my innocence. I was scheduled to appear at 10:00 this morning. I woke up at 10:15AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 014

You deserved it 69 825

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 657

You deserved it 6 626

Hello, goodbye

By Joey - 07/05/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 018

You deserved it 5 227

Modern romance...

By Anonymous - 29/11/2017 15:31

Today, I sent a great-quality booty pic to two of my love interests. Instead of sending it individually, I accidentally made a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 8 581

By Anonymous - 28/09/2015 09:01 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 841

You deserved it 4 660

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 107

By Roode - 22/07/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 549

You deserved it 5 470

By __shirtless__ - 10/12/2016 03:09

Today I found out that paying $40 for next-day shipping doesn't ensure that you'll receive the item the next day or even the next week. I assumed it was my fault for ordering too late into the holiday season. Turns out they never shipped it. When I finally received it 10 days late, it was the wrong item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 724

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Top comments

Charlie Given 24

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Saturday 13 June 2020 17:10

Ouch I would go find a better boss

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 13 June 2020 17:35

You were quite literally taken for "grant"-ed.

Comments

Charlie Given 24

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Saturday 13 June 2020 17:10

Ouch I would go find a better boss

tounces7 27

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Sunday 14 June 2020 0:45

Most bosses in America are like this. Welcome to Crony Capitalism.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 13 June 2020 17:35

You were quite literally taken for "grant"-ed.

Christina Winden 19

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Sunday 14 June 2020 0:40

Your boss sounds like an ass.

Melissa Kucher 10

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Wednesday 17 June 2020 5:20

its literally "grant" money. its designated for a certain thing, if they dont reach the maximum, the rest gets returned. thats how grants work. you cant just allocate them to some other business expense.

Nailah Butler 4

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Wednesday 24 June 2020 21:00

Grants are usually very specific on how the funds can be used. There are limitations and rules and if they are mishandled the company could lose out on applying again or have to pay fines if it is from the government.

Lee O'Brien Andersen 3

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Saturday 27 June 2020 12:07

I don't think I've ever heard of a grant, that you could just hand out to employees as bonus, if the grant hadn't been used up for the intended purpose. Your boss would probably be penalised for doing so. If you have worked for him for 20 years, you should know that.

Apokalypze1990 7

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Wednesday 7 July 2021 17:48

It would be illegal for him to do so, grant money has to be used for the purpose it was applied for. This is why there is a huge amount of due diligence done for example when charities grant money for projects.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 15

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 19

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 140

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 237