Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML
Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML
Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jaxro 6
Your girlfriend must be made of pure win, that's hilarious. Just wear a shirt..
3ree 0
if its on your back, clearly you couldnt write it on yourself.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
ammali 0
Yeah, I was thinking the same as #12, how would you not notice she was writing rather than massaging the stuff into your skin?
Chibi_fml 9
I agree with #1 - jokes like that are never funny. The OP does not need to "lighten up" and his girlfriend does not have an awesome sense of humor. The media has several people all wound up about pedophiles and child abuse. All it would take is one overly cautious parent to see that, and the police will end up being called. Just because some people think it's cool doesn't mean everyone, especially people with small children, are going to see it that way.
itsTiffany 0
Haha you should of thought about that in the first place, you practically ****** yourself. YDI
_violet_ 0
Your friend is an asshole. But you still should have noticed.
deuce_wild 0
i dont get this. you forgot another part of the story. were you at work and people saw, or at home and your parents saw, what? its only FML if something funny happened in the end. you just ended with "i work as a childrens swimming instructor". so? i work as a salesman. just cuz somebody wrote somthing on my back doesnt mean my life is ******
notsodelighted 0
#25, you and a long string of people are assholes for determining if this particular FML is actually an FML. It's here, posted and apparently the MOD thought it was an FML, so STUF and go bitch somewhere else.
LiznessMonster 9
I agree with you but, Shut The Up ****?
Empleh 4
Wear a T-shirt and have a laugh about it.
barryman 0
I agree with #12. How in the hell would you not say something to her about not spreading it over your skin? I'm calling bullshit...and stoopid on the mods for actually posting this despite how funny this situation would be if actually true. Anyone ever see police academy? Hey Dork Also, #25 - if you can't understand that the reason behind this fake FML is that he works with children as a swimming instructor which requires males to be shirtless you're an idiot and you should post an FML that you didn't get this FML. FYL
musu_fml 0
Why would you not notice that your girlfriend was writing something with a fingertip rather than rubbing the cream on with her palms? The options: A: You were asleep (stupid to sleep in the sun). B: You were drunk (stupid to drink in the sun, as it can lead to A). C: You knew she was writing something but didn't know what and didn't bother to find out (Just plain stupid). D: You're making this up.
Carribu 0
#1 and #22 - It's assholes like you that refuse to listen to anything. Yes, there's child abuse. Yes, there are molesters and pedos. But there are also people who are patient enough to listen to him explain. So please. Take your whiny asses somewhere else. It's a situation his girlfriend took advantage of. Suck it up. #25 - Unless you have to walk around shirtless for your job, you can't relate. So shut up. As for the OP, that sucks that your girlfriend pulled that on you. Especially with that job. Just explain if asked. Hopefully they're not totally ignorant. Until it wears off, just wear a shirt.