Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML
Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML
Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML
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Top comments
Jaxro 6
Your girlfriend must be made of pure win, that's hilarious. Just wear a shirt..
3ree 0
if its on your back, clearly you couldnt write it on yourself.
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Comments (134)
cj_gurl 0
That was a horrible thing to do - even if you hadn't worked as a children's swimming instructo! That you do only makes 100 times worse. I hope she feels terribly ashamed of herself.
jayensee 0
So...wear a vest. big f-in' deal.
x_eyebrows 0
What a shitty sense of humour! Your girlfriend might possibly be a dumbass.. or secretly hate you.
yesmy_love 0
wow... so basically 95% of the people who commented on this are on their menstrual cycle. awesome. chill out people. i found this humorous.. but i can see how it would suck with your job and whatnot... but it's still funny. maybe people should pull their tampons out of their ass and lighten up a little.
wompwompwomp 0
CHILD ABUSE IS NOT FUNNY... THis Joke (FML) IS pretty funny and I already like your gf. With that said.. Whats the best thing about twenty seven year olds?? THERE ARE TWENTY OF THEM! Relax people. its a joke. And dont abuse children
castnerinho 0
of course you work as a swimming instructor bs
notmuch 0
Agree with #12. Also, how long would you have to tan that this would be even readable?
zlollerskatestim 0
Can you introduce me to her if you're bailing out?
cheesefest 0
Teaching in a wetsuit ftw.
llama 1
i don't understand if it was just in sunscreen or if you got tan/burnt on/around the words....if it's the former then STOP COMPLAINING. if it's the latter then HA HAHAHAHAH