Health: Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn....

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26414

You deserved it

2008

Favorite

Health

Taking stock

Mix and match

Whackjobs 'R Us

By Noname - United States

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12457

You deserved it

76578

Favorite

By Anonymous

The Spectacular Spider-Thief

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3773

You deserved it

468

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36624

You deserved it

3860

Favorite

By ChampionshipVinyl - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29396

You deserved it

2871

Favorite

By Tanner - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30472

You deserved it

10706

Favorite

By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - Norway - Myre

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34778

You deserved it

5224

Favorite

By Mariah Heimann - United States

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33019

You deserved it

3364

Favorite

By FuckThis - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31197

You deserved it

2509

Favorite

By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

720

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her parents seemed upset, so I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, at least the weekend is coming up and you guys won't have to go in for work." Apparently, they were upset because they both got laid off from their jobs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55429

You deserved it

8409

Favorite

By goingup? - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56149

You deserved it

3718

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - Floda

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35386

You deserved it

4233

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38983

You deserved it

4029

Favorite

By devinchi - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33211

You deserved it

8169

Favorite

By makin bacon

Bad smell

Today, my idiot roommate read somewhere that bacon grease could be used on squeaky doors and windows. Now, we're desperately trying to scrub the rancid goop out of door hinges and window tracks. Our whole place smells like rotten pig ass and death! FML

I agree, your life sucks

2030

You deserved it

399

Favorite

By IPityTheStool - United Kingdom

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38387

You deserved it

7577

Favorite

By Radio GaGa - Canada

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34223

You deserved it

3146

Favorite

By cole - United States

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21332

You deserved it

61389

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37660

You deserved it

5729

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 23:13

The Guru

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2180

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By KidCudi227 - United States

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36660

You deserved it

3370

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33789

You deserved it

20179

Favorite

By argfarblewarblearble - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25786

You deserved it

2314

Favorite

By not a phobe - 16/7/2020 08:02

Misunderstood

Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2331

You deserved it

165

Favorite

By Foreveralone - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26916

You deserved it

2974

Favorite

By h0308 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40615

You deserved it

4577

Favorite

By Dooh - United Kingdom

Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have gone through the roof, making me constantly horny. My girlfriend lives on another continent. The reason I'm working out so hard? To impress her when I see her next. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29962

You deserved it

4981

Favorite

By badsitter

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4160

You deserved it

289

Favorite

By ricard0 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41997

You deserved it

6121

Favorite

By ILTali - United States

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

121593

You deserved it

8152

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was home from college and went to eat at a local mexican place. The manager started yelling at me about an unpaid tab. Apparently, my dad likes to drink there and skipped on his tab. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4596

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By shilpajayseanfan - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23205

You deserved it

54459

Favorite

By neta_1996 - United States - Mabelvale

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48140

You deserved it

3951

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 05:00

Alexa, play "Living Doll" by Cliff Richard

Today, my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere, supposedly because I act like he's nothing but a sex doll. We've been dating 6 weeks and have had sex twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1590

You deserved it

170

Favorite

By Betterthanthis - United States - New Berlin

Today, when my boss said, "Don't worry, I know all the requirements," she actually meant, "I know nothing, and will scream at you in rage because you cannot psychically divine all the requirements the day before a major holiday when no one is available to talk to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20931

You deserved it

1475

Favorite

By khaelian - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27876

You deserved it

4068

Favorite

By OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34967

You deserved it

3653

Favorite

By Arden

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1808

You deserved it

1458

Favorite

By PookaKay02 - United States

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29939

You deserved it

8588

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1888

You deserved it

103

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Harpy20 | 24

#5222549 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

You've got yourself one hell of a creeper. FYL.

By vespergreen | 17

#5222547 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

Have a can of pepper spray on standby for self-defence!!

COMMENTS

By vespergreen | 17

#5222547 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

Have a can of pepper spray on standby for self-defence!!

winkydog4056 | 16

#5223350 - Friday 7 December 2012 16:03

#2_defense, #

winkydog4056 | 16

#5223361 - Friday 7 December 2012 16:06

#2_* defense, #17_* cocaine, #20_* bananas, #19_* peeling & #25_* aloe.

Likian5 | 26

#5223469 - Friday 7 December 2012 16:45

*defense

Jiplo | 18

#5232515 - Monday 10 December 2012 5:55

Agreed! Only thing is I can't tell if this is epic trolling or major WTF situation.

By Harpy20 | 24

#5222549 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

You've got yourself one hell of a creeper. FYL.

sens3sfailing | 24

#5222582 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:00

All I could think of when I read this was "Cocain is one hell of a drug"

andiewithlove | 21

#5223682 - Friday 7 December 2012 17:58

If she was a creeper all you would've heard was "kssssssssSSSSSSSSSSS...BOOM!"

By kittynbooh | 9

#5222551 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

That's just a bit disturbing...

By dayzz1 | 10

#5222552 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

It makes a sound ?? ....
But still, ouch!

nikininja | 4

#5222653 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:18

Kind of like the sound of cling wrap but softer.
... I think I want to gag now.

dayzz1 | 10

#5222916 - Friday 7 December 2012 11:10

Oh wow :/ yep I'm with you on that one *gag*

By sirpantselot | 22

#5222554 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:44

You must closely resemble a banana.

chrissy2 | 28

#5222597 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:04

But banana's don't make a "sound".

Teyros | 24

#5222900 - Friday 7 December 2012 11:01

You're right. She doesn't make a sound. She types out on FML about how weird that is.

By TrueTriage | 16

#5222561 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:46

I'm curious what kind of sunburn puns people could come up with...

PinkKawaiiChic | 10

#5223943 - Friday 7 December 2012 19:26

Here's a bad sunburn pun:
It's time to peel out of there.

sirpantselot | 22

#5224901 - Saturday 8 December 2012 0:17

I haven't red any good ones. How sunsmart can UV?

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5222563 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:46

This reminds me of Micky Rooney off of a family guy episode that likes to rip off people's scabs.

PrincessLiLi_fml | 7

#5224155 - Friday 7 December 2012 20:30

I feel that it's probably much less hilarious in real life...

By zango1 | 15

#5222567 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:46

I'd definitely have to go with someone wanting to peel someone else's.

By LosAngelesSon | 8

#5222568 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:47

How about simply saying, "No." Think that'll work? Deny her the opportunity, she must stop asking.

KM96 | 24

#5222622 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:12

No, because she "won't take no for an answer" - so it probably will not.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#5224251 - Friday 7 December 2012 20:48

How about simply brushing-up on your reading skills? :P

By newbiehere99 | 6

#5222571 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:49

I haven't punched a girl in the face but... I still wouldn't. Tell her for every peel, you get to fondle her boobs ... And that you won't take No for an answer!

sens3sfailing | 24

#5222749 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:38

What if she's into it an what if OP isn't a lesbian? Then she just boned herself HARD!