Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn....

By Anonymous - 7/12/2012 00:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26390

You deserved it

2000

Favorite

Health

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Who's a good boy?

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51986

You deserved it

7074

Favorite

By anonymous - 9/10/2012 05:53 - United States

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39043

You deserved it

4005

Favorite

By flopsy - 3/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52200

You deserved it

11308

Favorite

By Iris - 12/10/2016 13:53 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7345

You deserved it

11543

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Not a biology major

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1544

You deserved it

246

Favorite

By but i make different stiffies - 5/1/2013 00:33 - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28950

You deserved it

2687

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 05:05 - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37051

You deserved it

2830

Favorite

By Surfinbird09 - 20/12/2009 12:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a girl I liked for her number, but she claimed she had a broken phone and was getting a new one for Christmas. Unhinged, I go home and go onto Facebook. First thing I see is her status: "Why is no one answering my calls?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30645

You deserved it

4036

Favorite

By ohno. - 19/8/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44308

You deserved it

5655

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 17:00

The student becomes the master

Today, I threatened my kids I’d turn off their WiFi unless they did their chores, so my eldest chimed in, "Please, we changed the WiFi password months ago in case you tried to threaten us like this," then turned off my WiFi, which I need to work from home. I had to beg a 12-year-old to let me work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1641

You deserved it

1954

Favorite

By xxxzzzooo - 2/1/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25349

You deserved it

3756

Favorite

By JuggaloSlasher15 - 8/8/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51610

You deserved it

6747

Favorite

By Blueberry - 17/9/2012 02:00 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25007

You deserved it

2384

Favorite

By still learning - 26/2/2012 17:42 - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25916

You deserved it

7896

Favorite

By essay2 - 24/9/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15170

You deserved it

83106

Favorite

By Falafax - 12/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31167

You deserved it

4437

Favorite

By - 29/4/2019 14:00

Today, after the booty call I work with became a lead, a position I was guaranteed, he's spread awful, untrue things about me around the office and since he became buddy buddy with management, they believed him. Don't shit where you eat, kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1090

You deserved it

1800

Favorite

By FUCK YOU - 8/8/2014 21:29 - United States

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45306

You deserved it

15082

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/5/2020 17:00

Indifference

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks

453

You deserved it

4522

Favorite

By Lame - 10/7/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45818

You deserved it

6778

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/4/2020 08:03

Old Man Blues

Today, I seriously strained my back picking up my daughter. I’m only 22 and now I have a bad back a man in his 70s would be proud of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

238

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54317

You deserved it

5576

Favorite

By jello_bellied_snack_snapper - 23/4/2018 16:00

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3949

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/5/2009 09:18 - Greece

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60548

You deserved it

3804

Favorite

By skyhigh - 13/1/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48614

You deserved it

3294

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/1/2012 21:05 - United States

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24440

You deserved it

6768

Favorite

By lorahayes - 5/1/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38667

You deserved it

10192

Favorite

By shortarse - 13/6/2017 02:00 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4067

You deserved it

700

Favorite

By mrWrong - 25/3/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

101730

You deserved it

12072

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 00:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43780

You deserved it

2959

Favorite

By evilsandwich - 6/3/2013 17:18 - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34847

You deserved it

2120

Favorite

By theorifice - 16/6/2010 16:28 - Canada

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16119

You deserved it

43142

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 07:22 - Germany

Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34596

You deserved it

6189

Favorite

By anonymous - 5/9/2012 13:51 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, I had to give a speech as part of my campaign for school captain. I was rather happy with it and so I told another candidate my speech. Apparently it was a good idea as minutes later that same candidate stole my entire speech, leaving me looking like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10899

You deserved it

37635

Favorite

By PizzaBoySwag - 4/6/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13267

You deserved it

125457

Favorite

By neverbeenkissed - 3/7/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53981

You deserved it

9026

Favorite

By Stevarious - 10/7/2015 15:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28265

You deserved it

2252

Favorite

By uninvited - 4/2/2016 15:16 - United States - Boston

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23145

You deserved it

1728

Favorite

By LALALALA - 29/5/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24106

You deserved it

48741

Favorite

By gross - 20/10/2010 16:14 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28186

You deserved it

3885

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Harpy20 | 24

#5222549 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

You've got yourself one hell of a creeper. FYL.

By vespergreen | 17

#5222547 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

Have a can of pepper spray on standby for self-defence!!

COMMENTS

By vespergreen | 17

#5222547 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

Have a can of pepper spray on standby for self-defence!!

winkydog4056 | 16

#5223350 - Friday 7 December 2012 16:03

#2_defense, #

winkydog4056 | 16

#5223361 - Friday 7 December 2012 16:06

#2_* defense, #17_* cocaine, #20_* bananas, #19_* peeling & #25_* aloe.

Likian5 | 26

#5223469 - Friday 7 December 2012 16:45

*defense

Jiplo | 18

#5232515 - Monday 10 December 2012 5:55

Agreed! Only thing is I can't tell if this is epic trolling or major WTF situation.

By Harpy20 | 24

#5222549 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

You've got yourself one hell of a creeper. FYL.

sens3sfailing | 24

#5222582 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:00

All I could think of when I read this was "Cocain is one hell of a drug"

andiewithlove | 21

#5223682 - Friday 7 December 2012 17:58

If she was a creeper all you would've heard was "kssssssssSSSSSSSSSSS...BOOM!"

By kittynbooh | 9

#5222551 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

That's just a bit disturbing...

By dayzz1 | 10

#5222552 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:43

It makes a sound ?? ....
But still, ouch!

nikininja | 4

#5222653 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:18

Kind of like the sound of cling wrap but softer.
... I think I want to gag now.

dayzz1 | 10

#5222916 - Friday 7 December 2012 11:10

Oh wow :/ yep I'm with you on that one *gag*

By sirpantselot | 22

#5222554 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:44

You must closely resemble a banana.

chrissy2 | 28

#5222597 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:04

But banana's don't make a "sound".

Teyros | 24

#5222900 - Friday 7 December 2012 11:01

You're right. She doesn't make a sound. She types out on FML about how weird that is.

By TrueTriage | 16

#5222561 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:46

I'm curious what kind of sunburn puns people could come up with...

PinkKawaiiChic | 10

#5223943 - Friday 7 December 2012 19:26

Here's a bad sunburn pun:
It's time to peel out of there.

sirpantselot | 22

#5224901 - Saturday 8 December 2012 0:17

I haven't red any good ones. How sunsmart can UV?

By eddeeezzyy | 19

#5222563 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:46

This reminds me of Micky Rooney off of a family guy episode that likes to rip off people's scabs.

PrincessLiLi_fml | 7

#5224155 - Friday 7 December 2012 20:30

I feel that it's probably much less hilarious in real life...

By zango1 | 15

#5222567 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:46

I'd definitely have to go with someone wanting to peel someone else's.

By LosAngelesSon | 8

#5222568 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:47

How about simply saying, "No." Think that'll work? Deny her the opportunity, she must stop asking.

KM96 | 24

#5222622 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:12

No, because she "won't take no for an answer" - so it probably will not.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#5224251 - Friday 7 December 2012 20:48

How about simply brushing-up on your reading skills? :P

By newbiehere99 | 6

#5222571 - Friday 7 December 2012 8:49

I haven't punched a girl in the face but... I still wouldn't. Tell her for every peel, you get to fondle her boobs ... And that you won't take No for an answer!

sens3sfailing | 24

#5222749 - Friday 7 December 2012 9:38

What if she's into it an what if OP isn't a lesbian? Then she just boned herself HARD!