Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML
Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
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Top comments
mozrox 0
Uh... Is your girlfriend really that sensitive? Who the hell cries because someone moved them out of the way? YDI for having a pussy as a girlfriend.
jonnymohio 2
You and your girlfriend are both at fault. She, for being a crybaby drunk, and you for being a hothead drunk. Take some anger management classes.
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Comments (144)
jessxoxo28 5
i agree with #9
JaneDoe_71 0
Explain why
geppy 0
Wow, you're a douchebag, aren't you? I'm surprised you know how to use the Internet.. YDI for being a hotheaded moron.
Sodam_INsane 0
you are what we in the business call a douche bag
allmidnighteyes 11
Drunk cripple? You should've found another one, gotten them both smashed, and had some Cripplelympics. Wheel-chair drag race, wheelchair jousting, cripple style MMA, etc... I'd back this all the way.
redbluegreen 41
YOU GOT BURIED TWINNY! D,:
allmidnighteyes 11
Haturrs can't take a joke on this site =/
Intoxicunt 6
I liked your joke, Hasian. :)
allmidnighteyes 11
aww thanks, toxi ♥
RyeBreadBoy 0
i'm not positive, but i'm fairly certain that qualifies as assault. depending on the level of inebriation, maybe drunk and disorderly conduct. nice one, jerk.
anjtrg_1112 23
I totally agree with this.
mooneydriver 0
"Shit. It doesn't pay to try to help someone these days"
jonnymohio 2
You and your girlfriend are both at fault. She, for being a crybaby drunk, and you for being a hothead drunk. Take some anger management classes.
zack767 0
you could of ask him wat happened not just throw ur beer at him and u could of asked ur pussy gf want exactly happened
anjtrg_1112 23
Exactly! He totally overreacted. Also, he has a whiny brat that's desperate for attention for a girlfriend.
dudarino 0
Dude you are a ******* liar I saw that on fark.com just like you did..... You ******* douche....
anjtrg_1112 23
Wow. This is probably the tenth FML I've seen that's been taken from a website/tv show. Some people just need attention, I guess.
Crunchy08 0
I thought only girls threw drinks at each other...hmph, you learn something new each day...ironically enough I should be learning chem right now since that's the class I'm ignoring to post this comment.