Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML
Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mozrox 0
Uh... Is your girlfriend really that sensitive? Who the hell cries because someone moved them out of the way? YDI for having a pussy as a girlfriend.
jonnymohio 2
You and your girlfriend are both at fault. She, for being a crybaby drunk, and you for being a hothead drunk. Take some anger management classes.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
lissaguti26 0
I heard about this on the radio! Except that they didn't include anything about the girlfriend being pushed... lol
fckaduck 0
FYL for having a whiny girlfriend.
the_stereotype 0
your girlfriend is dumb as shit, but then...so are you
prettystoopid 0
sorry you have a whiny dumb girlfriend
DrunkenValor 0
The OP should have poured the bear over the man in the wheel chair. It was his fault afterall.
DrunkenValor 0
Omg, I said bear, pouring a bear over a wheel chair bound person would be... amusing in a sick way (Mostly because pouring animals sounds interesting to me, do you have too blend them? Will a bear blend!?). But no, I meant beer.
Intoxicunt 6
Lol. BEARVSCRIPPLE!
DrunkenValor 0
If Joe Swanson is the cripple it could go either way.
Intoxicunt 6
Lol. True that!
Major_General 10
You're a little late to try and spin your story since it's already been on Coast To Coast AM.
NorfolkDude 2
Hahhaha, why did you pour beer on him without first hearing the facts? You dumbass.
LifeisFMLSnGMHs 0
I wonder if it was an actual push or just an accidental bump. Either way, you kinda overreacted. If it was an actual push, then yeah, that cop was a jerk, and could have just said "Excuse me". However, pouring beer on someone, cop or no, was just asking for trouble no one needed. It's real easy for a normally cool head to get lost when emotion kicks in though, believe me, I know, but just try to make yourself think before you act
passtheleino 0
Wow, your girlfriend is a ******* baby. Tell her to grow up.
Jincos 0
You're idiots if you think it's abusive. Unless...she had a huge gash on her head and she was naked...mwaha.