Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
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Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML
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Top comments
Decapitation 3
This FML socks.
iggz 0
She did exactly what you said
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Comments (130)
BGoodRBCareful 5
Out of the nose of babes...
ahoso 0
I don't get what u wanted her to do
emagurl 6
Guess you have to be more direct lol!
TalkinSmack 6
Atleast she listens
zyron7568 0
Why would you make her take off her socks?
autruchette 0
Exactly the same story on the French site. Soooo original !
lozzagouk 4
That would be because it says "Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!" after the FML....
BronyVasNormandy 12
This is the kind of funny FML that made me love this site. Too many FMLs are depressing. It's nice to have a little light-hearted humor.
Mooby 6
If you said it was cold, then why'd you ask her to take her socks off?
Plaasmaa 4
*into them
JalosgurlGiselle 0
How cute lol