Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML
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Top comments
Decapitation 3
This FML socks.
iggz 0
She did exactly what you said
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Comments (130)
MoonPhase123 4
You should have been more clearer, She is a five-year old you know
skyeyez9 25
Young kids take things literaly.
BagelBoy97 13
If she was cold why did u tell her to take her socks off?
wilsontws 18
That blows. :)
jarrettd 27
Adorable
taazer 12
Well she did what you told her to.. And if you think about it, it's kinda sweet :)
kiitykat 8
Cute lol
bubo_fml 11
She followed instructions, evacuated boogers from her nasal passage & saved a few trees in the process...Hat trick, Daddy-0!
corrinaswan 0
Awww cute lol should've been more pacific she's only 5
Zomg_Okay 27
Specific* Pacific is an ocean. :D
hogs3212 0
That's a kid for ya!