Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML
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Top comments
Decapitation 3
This FML socks.
iggz 0
She did exactly what you said
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Comments (130)
kikiluv 1
Well at least she listens to you...
JHandAC 4
I've done that. I was a very literal kid, still am. But at least now I understand when someone says, "Put the rest of your pasta on the counter." They mean in the bowl... :P
ericke9_fml 0
this is stupid. why make an fml? just go and wash the socks.
cookiemonsterr91 4
IT'S REALLY FRUSTRATING WHEN PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS A FUNNY FML BUT I'VE HAD FUNNIER THINGS TO SHARE AND THEY WOULDN'T PUT IT UP.
sparty12 2
so?...
mandibreann1212 6
Haha awww. ^_^
FrogInTheShadows 15
at least she listened
lolzzgurl 2
That's not realy an FML. That's just funny & adorable! I mean the kid's only five!
gleeklove 2
Well that's one way to save money on tissues.
FrogInTheShadows 15
Maybe the socks were damp. (It is a reply to someone but it deleted who I was replying to)