Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his tenth beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
jerryj 27
Please follow up and publish it here!
lex1459 38
Are you the same OP that wrote "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" for their essay?
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Comments (78)
acidburnz1107 10
Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin once called the city the chocolate city.
Mauskau 36
I would like you to publish this for our enjoyment. Thanks OP xo
DarkStorm2Bad 14
It's raining men. It's raining chocolate men. Chocolate rain.
graceinsheepwear 34
...as sung by Prince.
loserman67 36
Ok, grammar Nazi time... Your "poem" is not "entitled", it is "titled" No one owes your poem anything nor is your poem owed anything, it is not "entitled" Plus, why racist? It could be about Easter candy, you know, chocolate bunnies and such...
DemosthenesMB 13
FML moderators modify the post before they feature it (to correct grammar) so OP might've had it right the first time.
jaylacheatham 7
I'm sorry, but OP is correct. you can also use "entitled" to give something a title like a work of art or a piece of text. He used the word correctly.
sc3ptical 30
en·ti·tle - give (something, esp. a text or work of art) a particular title.
loserman67 36
I always thought it was only used when referring to a debt or object being owed to someone. So I learned something today -- FML, not only good for a laugh, but also good for grammar and vocab lessons!
hellnosucka 27
funny how there are grammar Nazis correcting the grammar of other grammar Nazis who are presumably correcting grammar of a post on chocolate men... does anyone see the irony here?
crazytwinsmom 25
Many thumbs up to Alan's comment (I don't have a button to do that on my phone app).
VixenPandora 6
I really want to see this poem. I am laughing just picturing it
Martnikk 15
Please publish it OP
cheesebond 29
Well... Are you gonna post it online?
lilycups 11
Did Chef's chocolate salty balls make a debut in this?
FemskyD 26
Sounds delicious
electraheartt 5
Publish it. Please.