Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his tenth beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
jerryj 27
Please follow up and publish it here!
lex1459 38
Are you the same OP that wrote "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" for their essay?
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Comments (78)
bummervacation 10
I'm entirely too interested in this FML for there not to be a follow up
Pleonasm 36
Did you step away from the page to breathe in?
worldclassrager 41
To make this less racist add a tag about white chocolate or a drunk poem about crackers
bluefrootloops 13
MORE racist?
acidburnz1107 10
Less racist, then he will be hating on everyone?
RedPillSucks 33
Nah. He'd have to add some lines about almond joys, and ... Hmmm.... Red meat? Pistachios (from Iran)
worldclassrager 41
Correct!
missyfiona89 28
There was one a chocolate man, who lived down the street. Didn't know what his name was, but the bitches call him, "pimp".
liuliuliu 10
what's next? I'm waiting,,,,,,,,
missyfiona89 28
The big big chocolate man, the big big chocolate man. He's great with milk and cream.
meli1195 31
Probably not since OP was drunk.
r00nie 10
Did you also write about nuts and raisins in the chocolate?
ahsanmasood 4
LOLOLOL i am sure this is not one fml, i bet every line in that poem deserves an fml entry of its own!
Credibleskills 28
I'm pretty curious about the actual poem that you wrote while drunk
bluefrootloops 13
Do not pass go, go straight to DEATH and HELL you horrible evil HEATHEN.