Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his tenth beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
jerryj 27
Please follow up and publish it here!
lex1459 38
Are you the same OP that wrote "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" for their essay?
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Comments (78)
Sir_Swaggington 6
The truth always comes out when people drink. Racist pig.
Rainhawk94 27
You're a rude dude
magikarpsmurfs 19
Drunk thoughts are often sober thoughts with out a filter.
Omniprism 15
That sounds sexual not racist. People use to call my ex a chocolate covered white boy. He'd laugh about it because they were friends. And at least you're expressing your creativity. I haven't written a poem in five years. At least I know bukowski took a ten year hiatus.
alicat13 12
maybe it is not racist, maybe you want to eat them :-) - the non- canabal way :-)
TecheyTim 14
Are you gonna publish it??
Omnomnymous 10
You should definitely follow up with a link to said poem, lol I think we all wanna read it!
Asstarotte 7
I neeeed that ******* poem
dgameseeker 12
Well people do different things when drunk... Some tell and break things, some streak, some just sleep it off at home, and then there are the few who write racist poems. At least you know you have poetic talent hidden deep inside you, just choose a different topic next time OP :)
ZannityZan 13
4 pages!? That's one long-ass poem! Please do publish it here - at least an excerpt if it's too long. It sounds like it'd be hilarious!