Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his tenth beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
jerryj 27
Please follow up and publish it here!
lex1459 38
Are you the same OP that wrote "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" for their essay?
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Comments (78)
Waspinator1998 21
If you don't publish this, I'm rioting.
Waspinator1998 21
(Sorry guys, double post glitch.)
TallMist 32
I'd say you deserved it because you got drunk, but... That was too awesome. XD
kay_eye_em_eye 1
I told a friend about this, and he wants to read the poem. PLEASE post, OP!
moot_chan 18
Sounds vaguely positive. I'm sure you were just horny Hungry*
nyklo 11
I want to read it.
Rammer3500 23
Can we see it?