Miscellaneous: Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now...

By chocochoco - 24/03/2014 03:40 - United States - Auburn

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 962

You deserved it 17 918

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Same thing different taste

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 108

You deserved it 33 462

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 34 411

By guest - 19/06/2014 01:14 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 764

You deserved it 5 560

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 367

You deserved it 3 626

By helosthisshit - 01/11/2014 14:26 - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 922

You deserved it 4 330

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 665

You deserved it 40 124

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 471

You deserved it 56 847

By drucle - 18/03/2016 12:49 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 933

You deserved it 16 209

By mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 851

You deserved it 9 137

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 640

jerryj 27

Monday 24 March 2014 8:52

Please follow up and publish it here!

lex1459 38

Monday 24 March 2014 8:56

Are you the same OP that wrote "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" for their essay?

Comments

Waspinator1998 21

Thursday 27 March 2014 7:29

If you don't publish this, I'm rioting.

Waspinator1998 21

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:02

(Sorry guys, double post glitch.)

TallMist 32

Friday 11 April 2014 7:35

I'd say you deserved it because you got drunk, but... That was too awesome. XD

kay_eye_em_eye 1

Tuesday 22 April 2014 22:47

I told a friend about this, and he wants to read the poem. PLEASE post, OP!

moot_chan 18

Monday 8 December 2014 0:46

Sounds vaguely positive. I'm sure you were just horny Hungry*

nyklo 11

Thursday 18 June 2015 15:05

I want to read it.

Rammer3500 23

Wednesday 30 December 2015 3:13

Can we see it?

Keywords

Health Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Fight Family Kids Love Relatable Students Work Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 1 658

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 846

You deserved it 635

The Top

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 5 528

Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet. It’s just a pity that Google is banned in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 215

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 131

You deserved it 12 483

Today, my boss's husband came over to our office, and as a by the way comment told our boss my make-up looks good and suits me. The thing is, I've never worn make-up to work, and obviously, he never told his wife, my boss, that she looks good with make-up on. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 178

Today, I picked up my first ever brand new car. Top of the line, beautiful, can't be happier. However, trying to insure it, the company has taken my money, but not completed the deal, and therefore I'm not insured. Their customer service knows this in an online fault and I have to wait for them to refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 87

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 406

You deserved it 4 749

Same thing different taste

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