Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As... - FML

By helosthisshit - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

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Rock, hard place

Jealousy

Cake is everything

By Anonymous

Today, I called in sick to my job. I'm already on shaky ground there, but I was honestly sick. I happened to call in during the mandatory departmental meeting. Apparently, I was supposed to go in a half-hour early. I called in thirty minutes late, during a required meeting. FML

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By princessrose

Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML

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By rockefoe - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

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By LonelyThisChristmas - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my step-mum told me that the Christmas dinner she is cooking tomorrow will cost £25 a head. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Now I'm spending Christmas alone. FML

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By Jenny - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

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By kismet_fire - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer yelled at me because I gave her a wrinkled bag. I work in retail, and the bags are all cheap plastic. She wouldn't stop, even when I gave her 3 different bags. FML

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By daddy-to-be - United States

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

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By wellthen - United States

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

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By Adam

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

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By loser - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML

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By WHY - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

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By cjw - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

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By Sir Smokalot - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

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By kimmykins27 - United States

Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

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By englishtrio - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

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By Anonymous

Greased Lightning

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

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By Romantic - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

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By Lovestupid - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my car and realised that my CDs were no longer in my glove box. According to the police, the random key code for my car type has been cracked, and thieves can now let themselves in whenever they want. The manufacturer says they can't do anything about it. FML

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By hannahisacooler - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

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By C45 - Canada

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

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By hulagirl1217 - United States

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Regina

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

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By CassyM - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML

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By yonanon - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

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By Anonymous - Malta - Qormi

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

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By Loser - Canada

Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML

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By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

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By Mojo - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By brileyyyy - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

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By Manly Sneeze

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML

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By Jack.mercado - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

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Top comments

By Chiroptera_Man | 10

#6106722 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:28

Bring it up and get a raise. 8) Hopefully it was caught on camera for backup.

By Comments2010 | 17

#6106714 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:26

Wow op. I can't believe that happened. Maybe he will remember that!

COMMENTS

By CakeFake | 16

#6106712 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:26

Ouch

Reply

orbit | 22

#6106849 - Saturday 1 November 2014 21:32

Delicious*

Reply

coltonte3 | 5

#6106932 - Saturday 1 November 2014 23:10

I actually think a hollowed out pumpkin filled with mousse sounds amazing. But yeah, sorry OP :(

Reply

Jdlove2 | 20

#6108992 - Tuesday 4 November 2014 2:23

Wow messy

By Comments2010 | 17

#6106714 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:26

Wow op. I can't believe that happened. Maybe he will remember that!

By patheticallyme | 9

#6106719 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:27

I guess that you mousse had a lot of fun :-)

Reply

blubblubbnb | 6

#6106808 - Saturday 1 November 2014 20:22

That pun may have passed if OP didn't get slammed with a pumpkin, even hollowed out it sounds painful.
Getting hit with anything isn't fun.

Reply

ChenEighty | 20

#6106821 - Saturday 1 November 2014 20:47

A pumpkin filled with mousse. Read and reread, 24.

By Chiroptera_Man | 10

#6106722 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:28

Bring it up and get a raise. 8) Hopefully it was caught on camera for backup.

Reply

devildog562 | 33

#6106824 - Saturday 1 November 2014 20:51

But it sounds like it was a , dare I say, smashing time.

I couldn't resist sorry!

Reply

BvbArmy_0 | 18

#6106978 - Saturday 1 November 2014 23:53

Depends if OP's boss is an asshole or not, they could be fired if they bring it up

By leviheichou | 15

#6106723 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:29

Everyone knows that messing with a guy's beer is a huge no no.

By TiiBags | 15

#6106724 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:29

Trick and treat?

By sayyestothedress | 24

#6106728 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:30

Don't mess with a mans beer

Reply

tony1891 | 22

#6106741 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:33

especially the boss's beer

Reply

junkman6 | 22

#6106818 - Saturday 1 November 2014 20:44

Defend my beer, like a boss.

By DenverTyrrell | 13

#6106732 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:31

Wow that's just a little too far, that sounds like it would hurt even if it was hollowed hope your okay

By Headcrab | 29

#6106737 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:32

No that's not 'fun and games' in my book. He's an asshole.

Reply

GoldenBoy50 | 7

#6106743 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:34

That's why OP said, "until I accidentally.."

By Cookiee04 | 15

#6106738 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:32

that's mature of him
*sarcasm*

Reply

0ss | 12

#6107381 - Sunday 2 November 2014 10:14

That comment was so necessary....(about as necessary as this one) *sarcasm*

Reply

orbit | 22

#6108158 - Monday 3 November 2014 5:06

No comment is necessary